Imagine for a moment that…poof!…you’re dead. (I know, way to start off on a positive note, right? Oh well.)
Character Traits At A Funeral?
Your soul is hovering over the casket and you’re listening to your spouse, your children, and your friends take turns talking about you at your funeral. Your wife stands before the crowd of people and says,
“He always worked so hard at his job. He was at the office usually 70-80 hours every week. He always made sure I was able to purchase the latest designer clothes. I’ll always remember that about him.”
Would you be happy with that speech from your beloved spouse? Or how about your children’s speeches. What if your youngest child stood up and said,
“My dad loved to watch television! He was crazy about ESPN sports. And I’ll always remember him with a thick novel in hand. He was an avid reader. He didn’t get a chance to play catch with me much, but he was sure knowledgeable about the stats of his favorite team!”
Again, I assume that speech wouldn’t bring any tears to your eyes. Lastly, what about your friends or co-workers? What if each of them said something like,
“Janet was such a good salesperson. She could sell ice to Iceland. I was always impressed with her business savvy. What I’ll remember most about Janet was how she handled the Microsoft account which our company almost lost. She displayed some amazing tactics that day and saved the customer. That was cool.”
Meh. Yuck. Vomit. Insert gagging noises here. Blah blah blah. Umm, no thank you!
Frankly, I want more out of life than that, don’t you? I don’t want people to remember me so much for my accomplishments, but for my character traits. When my wife, children, and friends remember me at my funeral, I want them to think fondly of me with words like,
- “He was such a loving husband. I always felt like I was #1 on his schedule. He wasn’t perfect, but he always made me feel special.”
- “My dad was the best dad…ever! We played, and wrestled, went on walks together, and I always felt like I could talk to him about anything.”
- As one of Charles’ co-workers, I will always remember his godly attitude, even when things didn’t go well. He refused to lie, cheat, or steal. He lived out his faith and he wasn’t fake.”
That’s what you and I want in life. We want to be remembered more for how we lived, not so much by what we accomplished when we lived.
Character Traits Defined
Recently, I wrote down a list of life goals that I want to be defined by. There are ten major traits that I came up with which—at the end of my life—these would accurately define the sort of man I was. As you’ll see, most of these have to do with foundational character and not so much by what contemporary society says we should be.
Putting them on paper made them more real for me. It moved these from the realm of obscurity to definable goals I want to achieve in life. I think every leader should have goals, but I believe that the most important goals are the ones which are more along the lines of character traits.
- HONEST. (I want my yes to be yes and my no, no. It’s wrong to lie, cheat, steal, or fudge the truth.)
- DEPENDABLE. (I want to be marked as a leader who could be counted on and comes through.)
- GODLY. (As a Christian, I want people to see more of the Jesus who lives in me, rather than merely me.)
- OTHERS-ORIENTED. (I want to be remembered as a guy who helped and served. “How can I help you?” was his motto.)
- LOVING. (It’s important to care about people. Love is a verb. It creates action!)
- HARD-WORKING. (I need to do more of this. I want laziness and sloth to be my enemies, not by comrades.)
- TRANSPARENT. (I don’t want to be known as a leader with double-motives. What you see is what you get.)
- GENUINE. (As opposed to counterfeit, fake, a charlatan, or a guy with a charade lifestyle.)
- COMPASSIONATE. (I want to be someone who cares. I want to be sympathetic and empathetic.)
- SUCCESSFUL. (Success based on God’s definition, rather than the world’s. I don’t want to be thought of as a failure.)
Question: What is the #1 character trait you want to be remembered for…and why? Click here to leave a comment below.
* Image credit: lincolnblues (Creative Commons)
Hi Charles, thanks for the timely reminder of living on ‘purpose’ and with intention. i journal, and because of the positive things I want to write in my journal at the end of the day, I am conscious of how I behave, react to others and the decisions i make. Over time, being positive has become one of my standout traits.
However 1 character trait I want to be remembered for is being “Godly”. I believe it embodies everything I want to stand for.
That’s awesome, Ibukun!
I have thought about journaling myself but I can’t seem to get started. “Being positive” is a very valuable trait, especially in these days. Your positive attitude will rub off on many, many people and cause you to be influential. And you’re correct in that “godly” is the greatest one.
Question for you: How long have you been journaling, and why did you start journaling in the first place?
Hi Charles,
I’ve been journalling for about 8 years. The past 3 years have not been the most effective though compared to the previous years. But I still do it.
I started majorly because I realised I was forgetful. My mum suggested it first, and I also realised I struggled with some of the details of me being in primary school and high school. So I started journally to keep some sort of record.
However, my love of secrecy and coding (M16 style) meant at the beginning the journals were more like parables. I was the only one that could understand it (not good for someone who is forgetful). It got better from there on.
Why can’t you seem to get started? Anything you can put a finger to in particular?
For me, I have about 15,000 going on. I’m having hard enough time keeping up with my three blogs, and journaling would just get put off.
What is the #1 character trait you want to be remembered for…and why?
I want to be remembered for my love and obedience to God.
That’s a solid goal.
Question: What are you doing…specifically…to make that happen?
The love and commandment of God has caused my wife Marcia and I to leave everything to travel and share the Gospel. We want nothing for ourselves, only for God. We are currently traveling south in our little homemade camper on the west coast and we are headed for Mexico. In the spring we expect to resume our ministry with the campers in the Sierra Nevada and the Cascades. PTL!
Wow, that’s fantastic! What is your best memory so far?
We are not “purpose” driven, rather Love driven. 🙂
Hi Charles. First, I would like to commend you for a great blog you’ve got here. We are all born to be leaders of our own lives. We stir ourselves towards the direction we would like our lives to go. Therefore, the countless journeys that we travel will create impact on how we would like others to remember us by. In my case, I’d like to think that when I’m gone, people would remember me as a walking example of God’s love. This is the challenge I have imposed upon myself, which could mean controlling my temper when my kids become grumpy, or avoiding saying negative things against someone whom I know is spreading a rumor against me, or understanding my ever perfectionist partner. One good reminder about keeping me guarded and committed about this resolve is to ask whenever faced with a difficult situation in life – “Will my actions reflect the work of God’s love? ” When tempted to react negatively to a difficult circumstance, I always pause for a moment and reflect the impact of my actions in my Christian living.
Claire, thanks for stopping by.
You said this that is amazing: “When tempted to react negatively to a difficult circumstance, I always pause for a moment and reflect the impact of my actions in my Christian living.”
It is amazing what we can steer away from with a simple pause. A moment of reflection.
Keep up the good work, friend!
Charles- Interesting how you defined “transparent”. Sharing all of flaws and strengths, well, transparency goes far beyond this. I love your take here… examining the issue of double-motive is HUGE in leadership and is especially critical in Christian leadership. However, that’s another discussion. In short, people do not need to feel manipulated to follow a leader, so we must all strive for transparent leadership.
Exactly. You said that quite well. God bless!
“My legacy”. My father passed away in Dec and at his furneral the Holy Spirit guided me to talk of my dads legacy. It was such s honour. Prov 13 says do good and you will leave something to your children. My dad did that for me. Now its my turn for my children.