You can find almost anything on internet these days. But you have to be very, very, very careful about trusting the publisher of what you find on the internet because, as President Abraham Lincoln himself said,
“Don’t trust everything you read on the internet” ~Abraham Lincoln
(Get it? I hope so!)
I Hate My Husband 6,600 Times Over
Google is a mammoth search engine. It also has an amazing internet tool that allows you to type in particular keywords to figure out how much website “traffic” that word or phrase generates in monthly web searches. It can be a helpful tool, especially if you want to write an article about a specific topic (such as: Why I hate my husband) but want to know how best to phrase it for optimal readership.
I hate my husband. These are the four words I’ve used for the keyword phrase for this article. Want to know why? I chose this phrase because it gets about 6,600 searches every month on Google alone. That means that around planet Earth there are thousands of frustrated wives out there desperately searching for answers to their broken marriage, and they turn to Google looking for the answers.
That makes me sad. And angry.
It pains me to know that a man would hate his wife or that a wife would hate her husband. Sure, we can get frustrated at our husbands or wives…….but hatred? Doesn’t that seem over-the-top or vengeful or even downright wicked? Yes, it certainly does. But it also demonstrates how thousands of women out there are searching for answers about what to do in marriage. And by the grace of God I want to give them some helpful suggestions!
Resolving Conflict God’s Way
If a woman gets to the point of hating her husband, it’s time for counseling…..and fast! After all, the Bible commands that husbands are to love their wives and wives are to respect their husbands. Hatred in a marriage is the sad result of bitter conflict and resentment. But I have good news for you: God doesn’t want your marriage to end! In fact, God wants your husband to be head-over-heels in love with you, to go out of his way to demonstrate that love to you, and for you to love your husband in return.
“I hate my husband” are words that are not God’s will for your life!
One thing for sure, a Christian home is not a home without problems and conflicts. When you strike two pieces of flint together you get sparks. That’s what happens when two sinners come together in marriage and become one flesh. Too soon after the happy couple exchanges vows, raging infernos begin to ensue!
The truth is that whenever two people enter into a really close relationship, some disagreements are inevitable. They are bound to occur. If you are married, you’ve no doubt experienced them. Husbands and wives have differing opinions on just about everything, and that causes conflict in marriage, personal stress, and tens of thousands of dollars to pad the pockets of divorce lawyers.
Nowhere does the Bible indicate that conflict resolution comes naturally. For some reason, it’s often easier to fight, argue, and hurl insults than it is to be kind or gentle to one another. It’s easier, frankly, to do a Google search for the phrase I hate my husband than it is to want to be a peacemaker. But the latter is what God wants for your marriage.
God doesn’t suggest that resolving conflicts is a piece of cake. Rather, He acknowledges that it’s sometimes very difficult to come to agreement with other people. It requires work, lots of work! Though conflict resolution in marriage may be difficult, the Bible makes it clear that with God’s help anything is possible. Frankly, you can go from I hate my husband to I love my husband over night. It’s not as difficult as you might think at the moment.
I want to give you some suggestions on what you could do, as a wife, so that you no longer suffer from the “I hate my husband” attitude. I pray that God would use these to heal your marriage.
1. Realize that sin is the problem–not necessarily your husband.
You might not like your husband very much at the moment, but understand the problem goes much deeper than just his bad manners. The problem is that he is a filthy, wicked, rotten sinner. A rotten sinner just like you are, too! We’re all products of The Fall in Genesis chapter three. That’s not giving your husband an excuse for his behavior, however. It is merely stating the cause of it.
A lack of male leadership in the marital relationship, as well as not loving our wives as we ought, is directly tied to the sin that was committed by Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Adam hid in a bush rather than come clean with God, confessing his sin. When Adam was finally pressed by God to give an account, the man chose to blame both God and Eve. In Genesis 3:12 Adam said,
The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” ~Adam, the sinner
But Eve didn’t do much better when it was her turn to give an account, either. She chose to blame the serpent (The devil made me do it!). But what I want you to see is that this sin by the first husband and wife duo led to conflict in their marriage, as well as every other marriage thereafter in human history. And that includes your marriage as well.
Here is what God said to the woman would be the result of her sin, in Genesis 3:16,
Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”
Do you see that? The woman would begin to sinfully desire her husband’s headship in the marriage (usurping control), and the man would become a domineering, wretched, sinner who demands to rule over her without offering love to her. In case you’re wondering, this is a recipe for disaster in any marriage!
So my first suggestion to any wife who says “I hate my husband” is to realize that you are both sinners and that sin tends to show its ugly face the closer we are to one another in our relationships. Defining the problem is the first step to biblical resolution to your marital conflict.
2. Meditate upon and ask yourself the following questions.
- Why do married couples fight & quarrel?
- Why is my husband acting the way he is acting?
- Have I done anything to provoke this behavior?
- Is it possible for me to love my husband ever again?
- Is it possible for me to respect my husband?
- Do I understand that I can’t change my husband, no matter how hard I try?
- Do I understand that “love” is not merely a feeling but an “action” I need to work at developing?
- Does my husband acknowledge his problems?
3. Calmly (yes, calmly) explain to your husband how you are feeling.
You’ll have better results approaching your husband with a cup of sugar than you will with a spoonful of vinegar. As a man myself, I know that we men have a tendency to lash back when questioned, or retreat into a corner when we feel like failures.
4. Cease with “the blame game” for now and focus on healthy communication.
Are the problems in your marriage mostly your husband’s fault? Maybe. But nothing will get better in your marriage if you and your husband are blaming one another, rather than accepting your share of it. Be patient and be respectful to each other with your words.
5. Resolve to not give up on either your husband or your marriage.
Failure is not an option in marriage, as far as the Bible is concerned. There really is no reason to ever give up and file for divorce. You need to stay strong and develop the attitude that sin will not reign over you or your spouse. Keep pushing for a better outcome each and every day!
6. Acknowledge that trusting in God is the answer to your “I hate my husband” problem.
The more you rely on your own skills, abilities, and ideas, the less likely you are of having a better marriage. For Christians in particular, we know that the answer to all of life’s problems is to trust and lean more on God every day, rather than trying to figure out things on our own. God’s ways are always better than our ways.
7. Pray to God that He will reveal to your husband his errors, sins, and your husband’s sin of not loving you.
If your husband just “doesn’t get it” or simply refuses to see the situation for what it is, only God will be able to get that through your husband’s thick head. God is both omniscient (knows all things) and omnipotent (is all-powerful), so pray that God would work this miracle in your marriage. The Lord already knows the answer to how to fix your marriage. Pray that He would reveal that answer to your husband in a clear way!
8. Memorize, recite, and apply the following Bible verses daily.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25)
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22)
“Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses” (Proverbs 12:12)
“By insolence comes nothing but strife, but with those who take advice is wisdom” (Proverbs 13:10)
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1)
“A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention” (Proverbs 15:18)
“It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling” (Proverbs 20:3)
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In summary, remember that “I hate my husband” is not the attitude or mindset that God wants you to have about your husband. God wants so much more for you! Be patient, don’t give up, and trust God to bring about healing in your marriage. And be sure to do whatever you can to go out of your way to respect your husband whenever you can!
FOR THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW: What other suggestions do you have to offer a woman who says, “I hate my husband”? (Please leave that suggestion in the comment section below.)
Photo Credit: Camera Colin via Compfight cc
What other suggestions do you have to offer a woman who says, “I hate my husband”?
Should i stay with a man who lies steals hits me shoots heroin and cocaine..doesnt work? I find it hard to believe this is Gods plan.
I would say yes to almost everything you have stated above, except for the “hits me” part. God does not want you to be a punching bag for anyone. Get out the situation–fast—, separate from him, seeking counseling ASAP, and contact the lawful authorities about that abuse. Period.
I just did a search using the words, “I hate my husband”. WOW!!! About 6 years ago, I had a small intimate Bible Study on marriage with 4 other women. I asked them what their request for the next 6 months from God would be. One lady piped up and said, “kindness”, and the others chimed in that too was their heart’s desire. At another Bible Study, about 12 women were studying marriage improvement. The leader asked, “How many are truly happy in their marriages?” NO one raised her hand, though during that period my marriage was a bit happy, I was shy about being the only one.
I’ve read some have too high expectations, then read that since women work today, we should expect to be helped. i’ve read that a shift of perspective changes everything, i.e., attitude of gratitude. It seems that unhappiness in marriage is normal, and that hatred also is normal. Abuse is rampant, both physical and otherwise. But, the Bible said abuse would be that way in the last days.
Larry Christiansen once said, “Marriage is the schoolground of the Christian Life”. I believe that. Is it a wonder that Proverbs talks about the man with a maid a wondrous thing, and then warns men not to be harsh with their wives or their prayers would be hindered?
I remember one day when I stewed at the sink, thinking, “My husband never tells me he loves me.” At that moment he came up and did just that.” I thought, “That was a coincidence; he never sings to me anymore. Guess what he did when left the kitchen?
What the author of this said about God being vested in changing our spouses, I believe that. I used to have a friend who said, “When God starts working in your partner’s life, DUCK! Don’t get in the way…” it’s true.
I’d get into what God has done for me in this realm, but would only shame me because of how often I forget! I am aware that my partner will do things either for the Lord, or when moved supernaturally to change, that all my “talking” in the world won’t accomplish, or if it does, it’s only temporary.
A bit ago, I was feeling the “hatred” also. I know my husband is emotionally abusive. He talks behind my back. He defends others, and takes up others’ cases against me, but won’t defend me. He’ll lie straight to my face, even bring the Lord into it – and I want to scream at him for this. He breaks his promises to me, and won’t apologize, but will profusely apologize if he cooks an egg wrong – on his terms, he treats me, not what I have told him is important. I’m sick in part because of the stress of this marriage, and even if I did leave, I couldn’t take care of myself now.
But, you know what? The Lord is my refuge. The Lord is my defender. The Lord promises that he will shield me from accusing tongues. The Lord is my comforter. Whatever my husband refuses to be, the Lord is. My identity? Well, I struggled with that for awhile too. But, I have an identity that my husband cannot take away from me, no matter how much he shames, ignores, or embarrasses me.
The Lord also promises recompense. He’s responsible for whether he is true, and sincere, and has integrity. I am not responsible for him. He will stand, as I do, in front of the Lord alone. Until then, I will continue to be to my husband, what the Lord has been for me. Not easy. But, I will. This is my 3rd marriage, and I know people come in different sizes, types, and temperaments, but they all have one thing in common – they’re all sinners.
We’ve been married 18 years.
Also my 3rd marriage. Someone said “you might as well keep the one you’ve got because men are all alike.” I think you and I have proved that theory. Either that or we for some unknown reason gravitate to men who hate women, who are nice and sweet until they get the ring on the finger, then they seem to forgot the whole sweetness thing, even denying it even happened. They don’t seem to even I’m the one who changed, and we believe them and it goes on and on and on. Well, there will be no sex at my house anymore until he remembers about the sweetness, I’m done being used for his lustful moods, My mentor, age 87 says I can’t deny him sex, but I am. No more. It’s gotten so that I’m totally repulsed at his every touch.
Then he will cheat and Your going to divorce again
I have been married 36 years and my husband has been disrespectful the majority of that time. I now no longer engage in arguments and instead pray for him that he will follow the Bible, as only he can save himself. I pray daily for patience and forgiveness and eternal salvation and attend church regularly.
36 years of prayer and no change? Hmmm
This was such a beautiful response. Thank you for letting God use you. This spoke to me in a way that makes me cry and pray to the lord. Things are out of my control and we can’t change our husbands. GOD HAS TO BE THE ONE TO DO THAT.
Kate; I have not heard I love you from my husband since the day we married in 1981. The first three and a half years of our marriage he was gone for the needs of the Navy under water, Then when he discharged in 1985 and went back to his civilian position. with more seniority than sixty percent of the 7500 person work force under his UAW contract, With in three days he was storming out of his fathers house calling me a mercenary b****. and all I heard the next 31 years was everything from sponge roomie. to life thief, Trying to get him to do the Christian thing and let other people have their needs before his, like vacation slots. holidays off, job and shift choice and so on.
After he came to a point 20 years after our wedding he yelled at me one day in November 2001, that I had not been a real wife yet, had not allowed the family I had repeatedly promised, the marital bed I had promised every time he wanted time off or a different job.
At that point he wanted me dead and out of his life so he could find a real wife. he was not going to let me promise one more time if he backed off this position he bid on, I would normalize our marital bed. Then the next morning over that job. He reduced four men to critical care patients in under a minute.
Every year his resentment became greater. Since I would not allow his running over everyone with his wants, he would cuss me out. Holidays many of then had me screamed to the floor when I would beg him to just go to work and let everyone enjoy them instead of pushing his right.
Now he’s disabled and retired its become worse. Hes forced me into the sex life he had been promised. He takes what he wants out of the traditions of three decades grinding them under heel. If he’s told he can’t he just says want to bet and weather any ones elses needs were met he does as he wants even hurting others in the process.
My husband is exactly the same. Defends people who have hit me, and are verbally avusive to me. He makes promises and breaks them. Supports me on his terms and when it’s convenient for him. I have been in this marriage for 8 years and you 18??? I don’t think I can take it much longer. I know who I am in Christ and I have felt thatcher Lord has said its ok to leave if I want to but doesn’t that conflict with the word? I have no love or respect left for him. He’s destroyed it all with his empty words and promises. Isaiah 54 has helped me but just seems to encourage me to leave really.
I don’t hate my husand. But he don’t show me but he is jolus, any find cloth i wear it not good for him he wil conden it but not replace it with is it ? Good im fari up of all is im try.i need reply to my mail.
Sometimes we need to be confident in ourselves for others – including our husbands, to appreciate us. Start to find your identity and as you do this pray for your husband and for God to work in your marriage.
Literally after reading the second paragraph I wanted to pitch this article
Me too!!! But kept reading to have a good frustrated laugh. Clearly written by a man! 🙂
Right?
This is a stupid post especially with a book from a man. You cannot put yourself in other shoes. Until you live what someone else lives you cannot and should not have an opinion!
Her husband was not committed to her marriage. The covenent was either broken or never there. God recognizes the insincerity and allows her to move on.
I got my husband back and saved my marriage. Here is my story to the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage. I really love James so much that i can not even do without. I was married for 7years with 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fight and argument almost every time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because i love him with all my heart and didn’t want to lose him but everything just proved abortive… He moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded, cried and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful man who eventually helped me out with spell… I have never done things like this before but just decided to try reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used herbs… Within two days james called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should spread my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there needs it. You can email DR Thomas via (drthomasherbalhome21@gmail. com) Don’t give up just yet, the different between “Ordinary” & “Extra-Ordinary” is the “Extra” so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship if it’s truly worth it.
Charles, I have been married for 4 years and together for 6 , in the beginning my husband had a ADHD drug addiction although he lived in denial. We went to pre marital counseling, and he promised to stop. We got married and the pills came back along with marijuana , then that stopped then it was lying about cigarettes and chewing tobacco. We have a child that is 2 and I love him dearly but I don’t know if I feel that way about my husband anymore. I am angry, bitter , resentful. We have gone to marriage counseling after we got married before our son but obviously that didn’t work . We both have good jobs and are not stressed financially but emotionally I am suffocating, how can I stay married to someone that I always find HIDDEN things?? I feel alone and rejected , every time I confront him he leaves for hours sometimes he sleeps in his vehicle in the driveway !
I’m so sorry your husband is acting the way he is. Keep praying for him. Seek godly counsel from other women at your church.
How long must we live in a horrible marriage? Is this really what God would want for us? These comments break my heart. I do not believe God wants us to suffer!
I thought for decades I was getting my husband to be the better man. in 1987, it was two years after his return from the Navy, He had kept his end of the deal I had made to start out marriage and have a family after letting things settle with his return from the military. I had finally been able to get more than a cuss word from him after the disaster of the first week home and telling him the only way we could have a marriage was by him letting things settle for the first two years back. I said that I would allow the marriage to start then if he did not use his high seniority to disrupt lives, after his military leave.
He worked 12 and sixteen hour days every day after being at sea under water for three and a half years due to the needs of the Navy. I have talked to other wives that were caught in this conundrum. all say I was not right in what I forced on my husband when he came home and then two years latter. When For the two year after he came home he was planning a Vacation to Rome as the honeymoon we had not had since January 1982 our wedding day.
His father came over before the trips planed take off and he told me there was a problem that had developed. That I was the only one that could possibly get my husband to do what was needed. There was a couple in my husbands department with seven and nine years less seniority than my husband that wanted a June wedding in Rome. It was not the addition to the fantastic group Rates we were getting to go on a union travel perk my husband had. The block was if my husband did not stay and work a double shift they had to stay and work until that November, for a wedding.
So I went hat in hand begged my husband to stay and work and we could arrange something latter just for us. My husband being an intel analyst in the army and a trident missile FTB in the navy. is not somebody that e wanted to push around, but we did, He set a trap for me, his father and others concerning his seniority rights under the UAW contract, First he went into my room and took my bible out and hammered out two copies of what he was going to require me to swear on my bible to. He even had it done in front of a notary and sealed.
He made me promise, any time, any place and any way he wanted a vacation I would be a willing wife and travel companion. I was so releaved the roof was still on the house I swore to his terms and signed willingly. He was not nice about telling the girl and her fiance’ he was never to be asked for any thing from either of them again. Because that was the last time, he indicated to his father that he knew he was behind asking me to do this but he was going to stop making requirments in his life because this was the last willing favor to advance his status in the community. Indicated in an embarrassing display at the airport we were treating him as a slave. That went like this:
We got to the airport and his father yelled get his lazy rear out of the drivers seat in our van, and get our luggage into check in. in a graceless way he got out and went to the rear to open it. He shuffled to the back in front of hundreds of people said; Yas Massas, Dis po house n***** gets rights to its, I’s be sorry buts I’s drifted there. Yous goes and gets yous rested and yous can come back and strap me on the wheel and then beats me proper all rested.
It was not until 28 years latter I found out his father and several of his friends had tied him to a tree in the fall of his senior year , and used electric cord, to whip him until he needed 153 stiches and dozens of staples with three units of blood, his father says today if he would have even cried out in pain they would have stopped before they discovered he was no longer awake.
My return from that trip as the matron of honor . Was a terror of being sent home to my mothers the day we flew in. I had to break the promise I swore too to keep him from disrupting other vacation plans. If I had not been Bi Polar, and a guardianship applied by the state my divorce would have finalized in 1989. it was every time my husband wanted something in time off or a sex life was tried there was always someone with less seniority that had the greater need. He would never take the options we offered. like Mid winter vacation times, to keep out of other needs, when I came home from Rome. I was thinking three weeks in someplace like, the Bahamas, Hawaii, Barbados or the Caymans. a nice beach by ourselves between January the 4th, and February the 14th. Only six months away and we could have our very late honeymoon then.
I found he had already researched it. Found any where like that was already booked for 1988, people had reservations for openings for reservations. He was taking off the day I stepped of the plane For a western driving tour and visit to his grandparents in Wyoming where he was originally from. No body was really in the mood for his wants that day and the second we found out what his plans were the proverbial mard hit the fan. I was crying couldn’t he try and come up with other options other than this, was this to thumb his nose at everyone again, I said we were trying to figure some thing out that was not disruptive. All he needed was some way to compromise, I then put my foot down when he said he was not driving across country in mid winter.
There was just nothing he would meet us halfway on even waiting another year. I finally said if he thought I was going to start our marriage with him holding a gun to our heads with my promise he could forget any thing, He put me on a bus to my mothers 45 minutes later with Divorce papers. If it was not for a guardianship two years latter I would have been a diviorcee.
I think if he had been allowed his rights over the last 31 years. it would have ended some ones life hopes. As it was my husband had MRSA in his spine in 2009 that put an end to his. in fact after that surgery he sat in his room when the doctor told him he was now without nerve impulse in his legs.
He started accusing us of civil rights violations for the coercion, and force used to keep him from disrupting other needs for 24 years, His father says its his own fault for becoming so depressed over his life he compromised his immune system. when all he had to be was patient. Even that year he was going to get the thanksgiving and Christmas down week. and I was setting up the entire five weeks he had coming starting on January the second in St Croix, He was laying in rehab the day after new years when the Comiteeman and Chaplin bought his retirement papers to sign after 34 years service. They had to dress in isolation gowns glove boots. The Chaplin walked past me and told me he hoped we burned for what we did to my husband, The Priest that served the rehab called the whole family in one day and he said my husband had accused me and others in our life of some very disturbing things. as his work records showed they were true. His father was indignant when he said we just made sure he was a man about things, Everyone just took it wrong. He should have looked to other needs and wants before his, as a real man would have. the priest then asked me weather or not he was a real man. I said after the tantrums over vacations, holidays where it required force and law enforcement intervention,. Some days I was shouted to my rear. just begging him to do as he was asked. until he was either threatened with jail for the holidays or he could work. I said things might not have been right for my husband but it was right for everyone else.
Once his anger and revenge caused the suicide of a coworker, In 2003 he and his wife were the deacon and church seceratary in the church I attended, as you know a deacon is very busy with church matters during Christmas. He had missed more than his personal time would allow, where he worked in my husbands department, and under the UAW contract he was supposed to work the Christmas down week, My husband had the second highest seniority in the department, The whole department had plans for the holidays and most cut out at noon the23 of December after the department party, They thought the deacon was gong to work the Christmas down week. As the lead in the repair parts crib my husband was staying to shifts end then was taking the down week. His foreman called him into his office at 2;00 PM with his steward who wanted to leave and his union president who also wanted not to deal with a problem with my husband.
The deacon claimed need for church reasons to have the down time. Everyone was scared to death to tell my husband he was going to work the 22nd consecutive Christmas and New Years season since we married. When my husband asked about union rules didn’t they count for any thing he was told some times other things counted more. It was one of the few holidays that force did not have to be used to get my husband to work.
I had heard he was not going to be happy coming home, I started to press couldn’t he just take his two weeks personal time and four weeks vacation after the shut down. we could just spend time up on the upper peninsula over lake Michigan over that time. he, that way he could make up the Christmas holiday have a vacation, not be around to be called in and we could finally have a marriage without being at each others throat over time off and sex. He told me if I wanted to go in sub zero temps for four weeks the door was there and so was the car. he would rent one those four weeks, He said do him a favor and Drive off the bridge into lake Michigan. as I said never a consideration into other options.
But this time he left for his 12 hour shift on New years eve with one of his picture envelopes. it was the only hobby he had usually around the county coming home.
He did not get home from the 16 hour shift until about 130 am Christmas morning which was very odd he went straight to his mat. and to sleep after his shower, I got up To wish him a merry Christmas the next morning as he was heading for work, He said what’s so merry another stinking work day longer than most. I said, he should find some joy I what he did he would not be so unhappy. I was told then drop dead and let him get a real wife. He was in a real bad mood again over something as stupid as going to work. His father picked me up to go eat breakfast, open gifts. then go to church. My gift from my husband was a watch t go with the sapphire diamond set he bought me several years before I knew it was worth over 1000. I again bought it up that one day we had to let him have a holiday and his father said he will have to learn he has other responsibilities first. He going to learn to be a man first instead of raising cain with everyone over his stinking rights.
We just went into our Pew in the church when the pastor stopped and asked if we could make an appointment with him at a time my husband could come, he said he had a very troubling talk with him at the midnight service and I felt like my stomach was an elevator. the deacon stoped next and laughed well maybe next year he will get time out of the plant how many years since he had been off, 22 he said well things just did not go his way did they.
I saw his wife put their 8 year old with 2 small daughters in the front pew and in her seat was the envelope my husband took with him the day before, It was pictures of her husband the deacon going into a motel with another woman. That was the day the deacons not very good day as his wife left the Envelope on the chair, took her kids with the deacon saying I can explain, She said, He could come home on New years. I felt so bad for them. I knew it was my husbands revenge.
The rest of the day was lousy after my husbands father said he did not have the right to ruin that family just because he was made to work again, He did not even get the sandwiches and the Ten that Christmas that were usually delivered. I was sitting up waiting forb him when he came home. He through much of my wedgewood out the back door breaking a lot Got in the fridge and made himself something and said so now he did not deserve any consideration. at all, I said what he did was horrible just because another holiday was not his. I said he was warm had something to do. he could have found something to make him happy , he said he did, My misery. and went to bed. The deacon lost his church office and started drinking and using drugs after his wife left for El Paso and her fathers with their three kids. He was missing a lot of work. and 2 years latter the divorce was final and he Pulled up in front of the church drunk and on something else. He put a 12 gauge with a slug under his chin and used his toe to push the trigger.
My husband did not even say he was sorry for causing this. After the last three years nobody knows just how volatile my husband is He was Retired with 34 years service in 2009 after he lost nerve impulse in his. that spring we tried to help another young seniority get around my husbands for his wedding and honey moon. We had traded my husbands reservations on the Orient express in For a single berth for me and gave the double to the Young newly wed that now worked next to my husband I was holding the entire amount and had started a different reservation in ST Croix. for the Second of January to the 6th of February, he had worked with no time off in 24 years except six days after a brain tumor removal in 2001. I thought seven more months then five weeks was that asking to much as my shoulder dislocated. being flung across the TSA office we had arranged to use. He took the 6354 dollar check I was holding until the week we were going to leave. It took his union Chaplin and steward and five other men to stop him from strangling the life out of his father getting his passport back. I never want another year like that coming home to arrest and jail time. The only reason I did not get the women’s pen was the check as full restitiution. I served two months as a guest of the county. no body understands how a man could press charges for any thing against his wife and father. He said what wife, He said show him the family he should have had. Show him the wife that should keep his house instead of disappear as he walked through the door.
I continued with the plans for five weeks in ST Croix. hoping that would get something resembling forgiveness. I had found out that the Union was not going to allow him to work any more holidays after Labor day. I heard of some trouble with somebody thinking they were going to twist his arm to work. on of the men trying had both legs kicked and broken. The union decided it was getting very dangerouse to force him into any thing. my husband even said that if he did not like somebody he did not need a gun he would combine Sulpheric Acid and salt in a balloon and throw in into there area up wind. He asked one man how he would look as an albino fairy. in his coffin. He was now threatening the next time he would defend himself with poison gas.
Then tHe MRSA abscess and three years latter I had canceled the ST Croix reservations and hoping my husbands return would be him coming home and Just listening to our fears. our needs and try to put himself in our place trying to deal with a cripple. To date over 35 men and myself have tried to deal with my husband since 2001. I used sex denial and promises to get him in line. his father and others used fire arms after I failed in 2001 to get an agreement out of him over a job bid where 4 men were badly hurt in trying to push their views. And my husband took the bid any way. That’s the first time he hurt me, when he kicked the front door in on top of me and told me he would kill me the next time I locked him out to be hurt. I was under the door with my ankle broken and four men were dying on the porch and in the street.
In 2014 two men held him at pistol point to have a private talk about what to do about him. Nobody Knew he was recording it. When he put his chest up to them and dared them to face the needle, by killing him right there. We ran for his fathers car convinced of my husbands insanity, He found us at breakfast talking about what to do about him when His cane laid the Two men out with their faces open to the bone. HIs recording was his get out of jail free card, But now it was bought to official notice. I tried claiming spousle sexual misconduct the year before when he forced me into sex. He said lets see who goes to prison with their head high. The whole mess is In the courts hands. And he is winning.
His father and I are charged with friends that we denied my husband civil rights in a conspiracy, maintained him as an unwilling indentured servant. extorted his lively hood and I defrauded him.
All I was trying to do was keep things peaceful and he had t start a war.
My wife has hated me for 20 years. I respect her, reach out to her, do for her, the kids, her dogs. I am helpful to her mother. I love her and tell her but she despises me for it. She hides, she really does not care for my company. She has never tried to enjoy the things I enjoyed so we do nothing. I know she is miserable too, and she blames me just like you do. Sorry to appear in your party but I would up here because I wanted God’s word on how to cope. Charles how does this forum give Glory to God?
Clearly she doesn’t like you
Wow, this sounds so identical to my marriage. Hope you are doing better now.
That’s terrible. I pray for my husband constantly. Addiction and other things. I pray that he’ll stop negatively influencing my children as I believe that raising Godly children is our job. I know there are many issues for him and I feel for him…but like you I have felt alone for so long. I want to respect him…but it’s very hard when he doesn’t care about anyone or anything. I will keep praying. My mum kept her prayer up for my dad for 42 years.
Just know I feel for you. At what point do we choose our children over the man who’s chosen daily withdrawal from his family?
Charles – thank you for this article. In my heart, I know that all our problems are “spiritual” problems because we are both sinners, but this gentle reminder couldn’t have come at a better time.
I loved the resolution – Sin will NOT reign over me or my spouse.
Another Scripture I would add to my list to pray over is Matthew 19:26 – ….With God all things are possible.
Even if my mate is a complete slug right now – that is not the man I married. That’s not God’s design for him. I will trust God’s design and Hily Spirit to move him where he needs to be moved.
That’s right! That’s not the man you married, so keep praying until he becomes that man again. Great mindset!
I also hate what my husband has become.when we dating everything was great. I loved been with him . Got marry,that’s when I’ve seen the other side of him. Marry for 34yrs. The drinking ,name calling
, always putting me down. Lots of times I open all the beer bottles and pour them in the sink.
I feel worthless and completely lost. In our second year of marriage I went for a two week trip with my mom and aunt to visit family. Upon returning I looked for my husband excitement to see me and all I got was a stiff hug and a serious look in his eyes. That evening when we walked into our city apartment I found a bracelet in our bathroom and a ponytail in our bedroom beside my side of the bed. I silently panicked and later gently asked my husband about the items. He yelled angrily at me. Life was never the same. I struggled daily with the evidence I had found and he turned from me, his only answers were that he didn’t know, didn’t remember but thought one of his sisters had been there, or he might have given our key to one of his brothers for a weekend while he stayed at his parents, etc. This was two weeks later, how could he forget what had happened!? He also never tried to help me by asking any of his family to prove that they had been there! The following month I found his ex girlfriend phone number in his phone bill 3 times dated during my absence. He said he was trying to get a hold of his brother who had his own cell phone but wasn’t answering. His brother was dating his ex’s sister. But he also could not remember why he needed his brother. After much,much withholding, he admitted that he had seen his ex and her sister at tummies during that time. He claims only for 5 mins. A few months later we moved out of the city. The first week we lived in our own house I searched through his phone while he slept, honestly happy and looking for picture of me in his phone. I found none of myself but found a lot of porn pictures he had also failed to mention. I wanted to leave him. I threw his wedding ring away to prove it. He cried and apologized for something but didn’t say specifically what. I didn’t leave. He always worked even when I begged him to not, begged him to take me on a date, he refused, cried into the night and he turned his back every time, over and over. And I quickly became completely devastated! He also stopped going to church. We became pregnant with our firstborn, filed for bankruptcy, moved and everything became a new normal. I still very often tugged with issues about his ex. We still often saw her and my husband still seemed thrilled about her every time, he also seemed to try to avoid her, but only when I was around. He only showed affection to me when in public. Otherwise we were world’s apart. And I was broken. We have been married 9 years. I am critically emotional and sensitive and lonely! I have begged him to take notice. He hates when I talk to him about these issues and never tries to be what I need. He works forever. Gets frustrated very easily. Always just says what he thinks I want to hear, at least so it seems. We have 4 children now and every time I am nearing the end of my pregnancy he works on vehicles until 2 in the morning for like a month or two! I can cry and cry and one time he reluctantly got up and gave me a hug but didn’t say anything as if that had solved everything. Even when our children where sick for four days straight throwing up every few minutes he refused to stay home and help, this was just before our third child was born and during the time he stayed at the shop working on vehicles until 2 in the morning. Gosh there is so much more. Since our first child was born his sister in law became the apple of his eye. He even pulled out our infant child’s hair one at a time just to make her laugh, even though I was furious he continued. They always met eyes across the room. He never sat beside me at family function. If I came to sit beside him he quickly rose and sat somewhere else. If someone said something funny I’d look to meet his eyes and see he already had met hers. About a year and a half ago I learned form this sister in law that my husband had been at her house. I silently panicked again. Then later gently asked my husband about it. He admitted that he was there one time a year earlier and said it was only to use their bathroom. I very much had my dears and doubts, as her immediately expression was that she had said something she shouldn’t have. So many more things like this. I am dying inside! I need to care for my children and they don’t deserve this version of me.my husband has never admitted any one of these things on his own, not even when I’ve asked. Only after much withholding and lying and anger he has seemingly come up with this story he tells me all the time. I don’t believe it one bit. For all i know he has so many many more secrets that i may never find out and he definitely will never confess. I have so much resentment and that’s why I search this title tonight. But I do have a relationship with God, although lately I feel as though I am groping in the dark for Him and He wants me to go through this unending tribulation for some reason. I do want godly advice. I have begged my husband for several years to take councelling with me, but he refuses, even refuses to visit our pastor! I do not need to ask anyone if this picture of our marriage is totally distorted. What should I do? He promised me last week that he would not work until 2 a.m anymore and this Monday and tonight he was gone until midnight. I just can not believe him or trust him to tell me the truth. What should I do?
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. What would be best for the children? If he is not being a good father and husband and unwilling to change then maybe you need to make him leave. He seems to be very self centered and cold. I know that leaving easier said than done but maybe those are the steps you need to take.
My husband argues all the time, and call me names like the B word. And tries to take my car and do errands in my car. And don’t answer his phone. And be disrespectful to me and my kids. And he tells me he wish I will die and he don’t want to be with me. What should I do.
I met my husband in December 1999. He informed me that his ex was pregnant with his child. I was only 18 and didn’t think about it much. When his son was 8 weeks old we started getting him. The mother(ex) was always in the bars and we ended up having him 95% of the time. I was young and was the one who had the baby while my boyfriend worked. After a year he began staying out all night, while I was home with his young son. Then I found out he was sleeping with a co worker. I had never been so hurt. I wanted to leave but I had become very attached to his son, since I was the care taker of him most of the time. He even began to call me mom as he started to talk. Then a few years later we were married, September 2003. We had a son in 2004, a daughter in 2007, and a son in 2009. When my stepson was about 2, his mother married and she finally decided she was going to be a mother. He goes back and forth every other week between the two homes. She doesn’t discipline and at the age of 11 gave him a smart phone with Internet access. He went from being a sweet little boy, to wanting to do as he pleases and won’t except no. I feel like I have no say because I’m the stepmom. He has been caught multiple times with porn on his phone, texts 10 different girls that he loves them, listens to vulger music. All of this from the age of 11 to now 15. I have tried grounding, not allowing the phone or any computer unless for school work. He argues with me when told no, my husband(his father) will not enforce anything and tells me I am just being a control freak. My other children are 11, 8, 6. They see this behavior and I hate that! This is not the kind of home I had planned for my children. When we do agree on a punishment, he will go back to his mothers house and not have any discipline and have his phone handed back to him. A year ago I had walked into my home, went down the hallway and saw his bedroom door shut. So I opened it but the door hit him and stopped. So I poked my head in and there I saw my then, 7 year old daughter on the floor, no pants on, and he(stepson, 14 yr old) was over her with a baby wipe in his hand, wipeing her private area. I pushed the door open and grabbed her up off the floor. I yelled at him “what are you doing?”. He just looked at me and said, “what?”. I was sick to my stomach. Within this same month, I saw him sitting on the couch with our dog on his lap, bouncing her up and down. I told my husband and he talked with him, and said both of us would sit down with his mother and stepdad and see what they thought needed to be done. Meanwhile I was so horrified, I didn’t want him back in my home. We met with his mother and stepdad. When we started talking about everything he had been doing, things got heated and they blamed it on my 7 year old daughter. So in other words, he had no punishment from them. I have tried to get past this, but still never leave him alone with any of my children. He is always wanting me to take him here and there and buy him things. I have done this thinking we will get closer and I can try to understand him better. But when it come time to ask him to make his bed or feed the dogs, he argues with me and it ends up being a big fight. My husband is always working and doesn’t deal with this or back me up when I ask for his help. I don’t want to make my husband choose between me and our children, or his son, but I’m done dealing with this and my children don’t need to see this. I have built up so much resentment towards my husband over the years, (oh and he was texting an ex behind my back, 2 years ago, until her husband found out, then he told me cause he thought the husband was going to come to our house) (my husband also has anxiety really bad and doesn’t leave the home, so I have done everything my self, from giving birth to school events and doctor appointments, luckily his business is at our home)from his past unfaithfulness and the issues with his son, I am exhausted, and just done! I have no emotional feelings towards him anymore and don’t feel like he is doing anything good for this family other than providing finacially. I am capable of working and can provide if needed. I don’t want to make my children have to see there parents in two different homes, but I don’t think this is a healthy home life they have now. There’s always arguing and I know they can see there’s no love between their father and I. Please help me! I just want my children to love God and love themselves and live in a warm loving home. I hate that I am not providing that now. Reading through this; I can’t believe this is my life. Where did I go wrong?!
I’m so sorry. It is possible for you to be happy in the situation you are in. Devote yourself to Jesus Christ and get into a support group or women Bible study. Alanon helped me a lot! I regained self confidence and my children were the first to respond to it. They suddenly respected me like never before. Find healthy ways to express your artistic side, this will give you joy and self confidence. Get around other women, physically not just here on the net. We need each other more than you can possibly imagine, that alone brings a healthy joy and love. As your relationship with Christ grows, and as your friendships with women grow you will not be in such need for what your husband cannot give, you can have a whole new life within the one you are living. Just make sure you get involved with women who have their relationship with Jesus Christ as their priority, otherwise the enemy can get to you in subtle ways. I wish I would have taken this advise. I ended up filing for divorce, just to get his attention. He pushed it through and got custody of the kids, which was the hardest thing any woman can go through ever. Of course, the Lord even used that for His Glory. But my confidence was horribly shaken and I tried not to ba a Christian anymore for a while, and that didn’t work because I kept listening to Christian Radio. But I was a mess, and remarried and soon found myself married to another man who has no respect or love for women, and won’t admit any of our problems are not all my fault. Please feel free to email me and let me know how you are doing. I guess for safety I’ll not post my email address, but if you reply here I’ll be notified. Jesus loves you, and that’s all that really matters.
I didn’t search, I hate my husband ” I did search, ” I hate my marriage” I know that God hates divorce but I feel like I’m emotionally being attaked. I’m glad that I came across your article. Last night a sister in church and I were praying for my husband that he may get to know God and accept Jesus into his life. Then today was horrible. We have the worst communication he’s always cursing and I can’t even have a normal conversation with him. Not even about the weather! I’m sick of it! Then I read your article . I toatlly forgot that we prayed yesterday for my husband and when I was reading this article I remembered and quickly realized that the devil is fighting for my husband. He knows something good is going to come from my husband if he’s saved. I’m not going to give up. I’m going to stay strong and continue to fight and pray for my husband and our marriage. I don’t know who you are personally but I just want to thank you for writing this article and saving me from making a horrible decision to give up.
My husband and I were married for 7 years.. Now I found about his ex.. He told me himself that he was in love for 2 years and when it broke the next month itself he selected me because I looked like his ex.. I feel disappointed that I was chosen as a replacement. He is not too attached to me as he fears too much love is not needed for marriage since his ex disappointed him. I feel bad..
January i was engaged wedding was stressful, started building a new and own business and found out my mother had cancer, husband put up a wall of stone and never yelled or comforted me unless it was “stop worrying” or “all you f*cking do is worry” he told me he didnt care about the wedding and i could call it off. We went to cousiling and he changed. When i opened my business in march i live with my parents an returned home and married in july. It is not nov. come to find out the building i put my business in forclosed. I put $20,000 into this of my money which my husband funds nothing of mine. The bank claimes they control and cant kick me out whenever, plus everything i put into my business is theres. My 5 year lease was voided. And this was my dream forever which ive fought for 4 years to get. After this my husband tells me he hates me and resents me for my stress and depression. He starts beating me with blame and guilt and saying horrible things to me. He says everythings my fault and he can care less about me. While struggling with depression i kept strong and am trying to close on a building to keep my business running as a hair dresser of over 500 clients. With only help from my parents. Husband visits 2 cousilers now and takes medication soon. But he still can care less about me. He tells me he wont touch me or even talk to me unless he wants to…….idk what to do but im breaking down and im losing myself. And he can care less id even rather sit alone and drink then go home and get abused with his words and cold shoulder.
Thank you
But my husband hate me .he show me an tell me this evey day I pray but .well I give up
Should i stay with my husband after 43years of marriage when all he does is call me a liar, a slut/ whore for hid that i got a son b4 marriage and he found out after our first born.
Im a staunch christian, have apologise so many times but I’m still a punching bag
What do I do if my husband says he marrief me so he wouldn’t commit a sin of fornication. I am no longer in love with him and i do not view marriage the way the bible would have me too..
My husband cheated on me for 5 years, during this time emotionally abused me. I had to leave. During the whole five years of infidelity he refused to be seen with me in public for fear of the other women seeing me his wife. Unbeknownst to me took money from me to give her. She called my work to question his involvement with me, his wife. Is this God’s will for my marriage.
I have married the same husband the second time, i forgave him for sleeping with my daughter and constantly running out on our marriage for seeking party times with his friends. He still go partying with his friends, i will call him after 8hrs and ask him to come home not party excessively and then he gets cross with me and angry and keeps on partying and when he comes home he will still be cross at me and go party further the next day. When he comes back he gives me the silent treatment and ignores me, saying that everyone disrespects him and that i am always right and he will always be wrong. He then tells me that he had enough of this marriage and runs out on our marriage when we have the discussion about what happen, he keeps talking about i don t trust him and about past things And i keep taking him back cos i believe in reconciliation. I am saved now and pray and dont expect my husband to stop all his things, all i ask is when i call him and ask him that its getting late, to come home.
I found this article after typing that exact phrase into google. For about 3 or our almost 4 year marriage, I have felt as though I hate my husband. I am unhappy in this marriage and have grown angry, resentful and bitter. Reading this article and some of the comments clearly written in pain, I’m reminded that we are not called to an “easy” life at all. We are called to live bibically and honor and glorify God. I cannot do any of that if I am focused on what and how I think my marriage and life should be. I need to pray for a change in MY heart and attitude. I need to serve my husband as I would if he was Jesus himself. I know that is way easier said than done and I will stumble a thousand times trying to do that, but I need to continue in prayer and love. Thank you for this article.
I thought i had problems till i read the comments. I looked up “what does the Bible say about hating tour wife.” I think this article hit it on the head. My take away is working on me and wrestling with my flesh to do what God wants me to do until I drop dead. This life is temporary and unless its adultery, I m under decree to love that women just as JESUS loved me…a sinner. Its hard. But God knows and will renew my strength.
My husbnd is back.. Here is my story to the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage. I really love James so much that i can not even do without. I was married for 7years with 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fight and argument almost every time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because i love him with all my heart and didn’t want to lose him but everything just proved abortive… He moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded, cried and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful man who eventually helped me out with spell… I have never done things like this before but just decided to try reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used herbs… Within two days james called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should spread my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there needs it. You can email DR Thomas via (drthomasherbalhome21@gmail. com) Don’t give up just yet, the different between “Ordinary” & “Extra-Ordinary” is the “Extra” so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship if it’s truly worth it.
Wow.
So my husband cheated on me, then while we were working things out (I took him back), he continued cheating via phone and email. Now he is living out of the house trying to figure himself out.
According to you I’m supposed to pray to God for my husband to realize the error of his ways? And keep on being an option instead of a priority? Exactly how long do I give God to knock the sense into my husband’s head?
And marriages are in need of divine intervention esp. if there are psychological disorders, such as autism-the rate of people with autism is going up, along with the rate of people with autism getting married. The lack of communication, intentional and non-intentional, between a spouse with AS and one with or without AS, spells real problems in a marriage…since communication is critical to the vitality of a marriage. In order for a marriage to thrive under these circumstances, God needs to intervene and heal. There are many women who are beyond frustrated when they find themselves in a marriage with a man with AS, and usually find out that the diagnosis after the fact-even though there may be some signs of communication problems beforehand. Even women with AS have tremendous difficulty in marriages with AS men…so its not really something that is supposed to exist in a marriage. Usually people put best foot forward during engagement period, and people believe that things will get better, but not with autism. So, healing is a must in order for these marriages to survive.
I have never got to the point of hating my husband ( or anyone ) often felt very hurt and upset by what he says or does, on a couple of particularly bad occasions I read through 1 Corinthians 13 ( just the part on love is) I prayed through this passage asking for help to develop this kind of love.
This can also be helpful with hatred or less than loving thoughts towards anyone.
Praying through Scripture is a great way to deal with problems in life. Keep it up!
This article is good, but it won’t work unless both people want to make it work. It’s hard being married to someone….no, it’s downright near IMPOSSIBLE being married to someone who thinks they’re ALWAYS right (and if they aren’t, they try to blame you anyway), think they have absolute authority, and have the most annoying personality known to man on top of everything else! (I am NOT exaggerating…if only I could post some videos, you’d know.) My marriage has many complex problems that none of the self-help articles and books have addressed (not all in one place anyway). I know I am not totally without fault – it does take two for conflict, after all. When I get mad, I really get mad. However, the root of our conflict often lies with my husband’s outlook on certain everyday things, which I (and most of our society) consider to be totally abnormal. He is not from the USA so maybe part of that is cultural. I tend to think it’s mental.
I can’t afford independent counseling and I’m not going to my church for it (someone might see me and the pastors would know I’m in trouble!) Besides that, my husband doesn’t go to church with me (because he doesn’t like any of the churches in our area) so he wouldn’t go with me to pastoral counseling. Believe me, I’ve asked and have been chastised about airing “dirty laundry” to strangers, so what’s the point? I’d be going by myself and trying to shoulder the burden of making my marriage better and probably wasting my time doing it. I am sticking it out for my kids right now and for myself because we have a child with special needs. They are hard work to handle alone! If we didn’t have him, though…hard telling what I would decide to do. I just know that all the conflict in our home is not good for our daughter who is almost 13…it’s bound to just get worse from this point.
I think it all comes down to what you can tolerate physically and/or mentally and how much your spouse is willing to cooperate to save the marriage. Plus, if your spouse wants no part of counseling or self-help, are you going to stick it out and pray that God will make things better? How long is that going to take? We don’t know His timetable so we don’t know how long it will be before things begin to change. It could take a LONG time…which would necessitate praying for endurance and hanging in there. For some, that could be relatively easy. For others, the mental stress has them at the snapping point. (If you snap, be sure you are not holding any sharp objects!)
Yeah, God hates divorce. I get that. But after trying everything else, I don’t blame people for wanting out of a situation that is both physically and mentally unhealthy. If I had to live alone for the rest of my life without a spouse just to be free of the one I have…I’d do it. Somehow, I think it’s going to take a bloomin’ miracle to change my husband.
Serina, your comment hit me hard. I prayed for you and your husband. I know that God can work miracles in your life and your husband’s life. Keep believing, praying, and searching for solutions. God bless you, my friend.
I have the exact same going on in my house, my husband and I will talk about things decide that change needs to happen yet I am the only one attempting he has totally lost his faith in God and he is in fear of losing me, he is the one who taught me only to worry about things you can fix, and now he is constantly worried over things he cannot fix.
Ditto for me. Narcissistic, always right, knows everything, I’m stupid, know nothing. He’s loud,aggressive angry, flirts with other women, who knows what else. Violent. Pothead, alcoholic, everything’s my fault
Won’t even try church. Always blaming me. Won’t kiss or dance or go out. Always accuses. Calls me right wing bigot. Is anti Israel. Pro gay marraige says Islam is peaceful. Even kids hate dogs and church like he does. Never cries. Doesn’t drink. No.interest in my wants. Refuses more kids. Point blank Says I a lunatic and out of touch for my funny beliefs.
Fixing it harder to cope every day
Help me jesus
Maintain your godly attitude toward him and, Lord willing, he’ll be overcome from a guilty conscience and begin loving you like Christ loved the Church!
Keep praying for him. Don’t ever give up!
Oh, wow your marriage sounds like mine. Except I am tbe man and woman in this marriage. I pay my bills and his and he has a job.. He believes marriage is one marriage fits all.. Not with me. I have stopped doing the 3 littlw things that i love to do because of his insecurities and i am losing the very person he fell for in the first place. But the worst thing is that i hivr him everything but sex and I have zero desires for him.
1) “Realize that sin is the problem–not necessarily your husband.” – that’s not possible. The feminazi culture says otherwise. If it has a penis, it MUST be wrong. Even a dead clock is right twice a day and that’s twice more then any American male.
4) “Cease with “the blame game” for now and focus on healthy communication.” That’s not possible either. He has a penis so the only thing he needs to “communicate ” is that he is wrong, that he recognizes that it’s his fault and he’s sorry and then go to his room. He’ll be on timeout from sex for the next decade.
5) “Resolve to not give up on either your husband or your marriage.” – Why on earth would a woman do that? She gets EVERYTHING if she divorces! There’s no incentive for women to stay married! They get the houses, the cars, the kids and all the money and its a foregone conclusion that its the MAN’S fault that the marriage failed so her conscious is clear! Why stay???!!
6) “Acknowledge that trusting in God is the answer to your “I hate my husband” problem.” – Women DO acknowledge that, the problem is that they are their own God.
7) “Pray to God that He will reveal to your husband his errors, sins, and your husband’s sin of not loving you.” – referencing #6, God is already doing a fantastic job of letting him know how jacked up he is day in and day out cause she’s telling him ALL THE TIME.
8) “Memorize, recite, and apply the following Bible verses daily.” – notice NONE of them is from Proverbs 31. God doesn’t need to learn how to be a Proverbs 31 wife cause she’s already perfect, he needs to learn how to be a “submissive” husband……
I didn’t read your whole comment because I got stuck at penis. It isn’t about the penis. It’s about the ego of the male. Some males have an ego that is destructive. I am married to one of those, and although he is by no means physically abusive. I do see signs of mental abuse. Probably unawares to him. But very much known to me and my children. it’s very elusive. Abuse takes on many forms. The one in which I’m talking about is the elusive one. One can look like a good caring person on the outside but be very unaware of how to have a good, intimate realtionship with wife and children alike. This describes my relationship. I married a good guy. But, and i do mean but. He has no communication skills whatsoever and it hurts.
Lord willing he will grow in communication. Keep trying, my friend! Never lose hope. God can do amazing things in our lives.
I’m sorry that you’re so angry. I pray that God softens your heart. And your husband’s heart as well. God bless.
So, you are my husband. You have been hating women from an early age. Raped by a woman while only a child? Abandoned by your mother? Thrown out by your ex wife? Then you act all sweet and lovey dovey to someone just to get sex, continue the lovey dovey for awhile. At the first hint of trouble you get back your full blown hatred for women and can’t understand why I won’t have sex. Well here’s why: Your irrational lust got in the way. Demanding sex with out a hint of love along with it is pure lust. I am completely repulsed by your slobbering lustful glances and grabs, when you touch me I want to scream, the other night when you were groping for me under the sheets I burst out laughing, couldn’t help it, just amazed that you would reach for me that way, with no hint of love, just pure lust. I ran from the room before you knew it was laughter in my voice. I cringe when you touch me, I tense up in fear. How does it feel to have a wife who is in fear of you? A wife who wants to love and respect you, who washes your dirty underwear, washes your dirty dishes, fixes meals so good you never want to go out to eat steak anywhere but home, a wife who always has your clean socks and jeans in the drawer ready for you. A wife who gets up before you and fixes your coffee so you never have to even wait for it, and kisses you and hugs you and says “I love you” every morning as she walks you out to your car when you leave. You have never dealt with your alcoholic parents, or your childhood rape, or the loss of your children from the other marriage, or your abandonment of your mother, or the bullying from your brothers. But it’s all my fault, all the problems of our marriage. Well no more, no more sex. I just cannot allow myself to be used like that anymore. If there’s to be a divorce, you are going to have to go for it. I can be content right here with or without you, because my trust and confidence is in Jesus.
All that is great advice. Still, there come’s a point where it’s important to realize that it takes two to make a go of it, and marriage is not about long-suffering through financial, emotional, physical, or any other kind of abuse that causes brings negative consequences to either party.
Sometimes hate is the source of strength bridging the decision to divorce and the opportunity to heal.
No, I disagree. It is not the Lord’s will that you divorce just because you hate your husband. Scripture is clear regarding what the acceptable instances of divorce are. Hatred is not one of them.
I am torn. Married 8 years, have 8 year old son. My 2nd marriage to my first bf 21 years later. Sounds like a love story, I truly loved him but his growing addiction to conspiracy theories and spending hours every day listening to Alex Jones, Infowars, Before it News, watching Youtube videos on chemtrails, aliens, 9/11 inside job, Sandy Hook hoax, earth doesn’t rotate (the universe does), moon landing hoax, Michelle Obama is a man, FEMA camps, Marshall law, New world order…etc… It has consumed him, we don’t speak anymore, lest it be an argument over some ridiculous conspiracy. We are both believers but then he discovered 2 years ago that the Preterist view just “made sense” so now even our beliefs on pre vs post tribulation era turns into an argument. We have nothing in comon except for our son. I am so tired of daily stone walling, tension and stress. I have prayed and prayed for this to stop and bring us closer. He states our marriage is hopeless and he wants a divorce, it will destroy my son and I have disputed even that. I already went through a divorce (no kids that time) and I want to stay and work through our issues for the sake of my son and that I was born again the same year we married and I do hold onto faith that this can be saved, but he refuses to get any marriage counseling. He proclaims “that doesn’t work” and “it’s all in my head” (yet believes Jesus came back a second time in 70 ad and we are now living in the new earth)… WHY? why did he have to change like that? How can I not feel resentment and bitterness towards my spouse who flat out told me that the Sandy Hook tragedy “parents” of those “fake” kids were really “scumbag crisis actors?” he doesn’t drink or do drugs (he did when we were dating and the first few years of marriage) sad to say but I liked him better THEN. I am tired, worn and beat down. We don’t touch, hold hands, hug or kiss. We sleep with our backs to eachother. I used to try to cuddle up to him but it was like lying next to a corpse. No response. He just blocked and muted me on his Google plus page because I was posting articles refuting Sandy Hook. He threw me, ME, his wife, out of his family circle… the one he’s SUPPOSED to be closest with, who took a vow under God, who should love and protect… I was beyond hurt. I took his phone while he slept and deleted all his circles. I’m sure he’ll be livid later and password protect his dumb phone that he spends hours on but I am done. I feel like he ignores me, doesn’t speak, hold or love me so whats the difference. I will not tolerate being the one blocked by him… for trying to post up my belief just like he does. I hate conspiracy propaganda, I hate what it did to my husband. I hate that he is a narcissist and won’t even look at marriage articles I send him. In his mind, he divorced me long ago. I just want my husband back the way he was before being brainwashed, but I am getting deeply deoressed and withdrawn myself. I just don’t have the energy to keep patching up this crumbling covenant anymore. I can’t make it work if he doesn’t want to… I have an appt to see a psychologist next week. Finally someone I can talk to and confide in, someone who will listen without yelling at me or stonewalling me. I cry everyday. I am so lonely.
I am at a loss. Being raised in a traditional, southern Christian home, it was ingrained in me on how to take care of your husband and be a good, faithful wife. I can honestly say that I have taken care of all of his needs, wants and desires since the first day of marriage. Our lives revolve around him. He constantly wants materialistic things like new trucks, expensive watches, etc…The high life and I always give in and find a way for him to get what he wants. If i don’t He belittles me as he holds me against a wall and reminds me of how I didn’t finish college, how ugly I am because I have freckles, and other hurtful comments that he always says. He has a very good job and he tells me he is better than me because he makes more money. Now he has developed a drinking habit which is growing weekly. I hide all of this from family/friends because he has convinced me that I am a failure and I am so ashamed. At times he is remorseful but the selfishness is daily. He never goes anywhere with me and if he does I am very nervous because I am afraid I will say the wrong thing or I don’t look good enough for him. I can’t leave because I would be too embarrassed. I am growing more and more resentful frustrated and hurt. It’s been 16 years and I am beyond weary. I keep praying for a way out but I am still here.
You are not a failure! You are made in God’s image. Never forget that.
Just keep living for God’s glory, praying for your husband’s repentance, and be respectful toward him as much as is humanly possible.
This really hits home for me…
I have only been married for 5 MONTHS and my husband is everything you’ve said. We have been on and off for almost 6 years and in between that I after getting pregnant and living in sin with him, I gave my life to christ and began living for Jesus. I’m so scared as I didn’t listen to the Holy Spirit when he told me not to marry him and I married him anyway because I didn’t want my child to not have a father. Now I’m dealing with a very mean spirited husband, whom this morning as he left for work I told him that I hated him. Now I fear God and the words I said to him more then the fact that I’m upset with him. He is completely disrespectful and continuously lies because he’s scared of loosing me but it’s beginning to hurt my soul. I pray and believe that we are just going through intense Ware fare right now as I have been decree ingredients and declaring and resulting the enemy and his agents sent to destroy my marriage but my husband isn’t saved and last night as we argued he told me ‘God can’t save me now…’ referring to me and I asked him what that meant as he was threatening to leave. This is hurtful as my little 3 year old is watching all of this. I NEVER in a million years thought marriage was like this. He speaks to me so hateful lydia and I can’t trust him. He doesn’t take me anywhere as he’s the only one working and claims that as long as I’m not bringing anything into the home he won’t be taking g me anywhere. That it’s not financially equal. I do believe that the battle is already won, Jesus is on the throne but I’m hurting and struggling and just need a spiritual breath of relief so I can keep fighting because right now I hate my husband, not because I don’t live him but because I really do.
In response to the lady on sept 22…if u do not have children….leave. It is the most painful and deadly slow progressive disease of alcoholism and adding children won’t bring solace but the I wish. I love God but I am very familiar with self centerness and progressive alcoholism. I have been sober for 8 years and had children years after I became sober and turned my life over. You can divorce an unbeliever. It will make it worse if you have children then you are really in it. Rather be broke and single that married and miserable and alone.
No, you can’t divorce your husband just because he is an unbeliever. Please read 1 Corinthians.
If your husband is an alcoholic, that is not an acceptable reason to divorce. But you should separate for a time if you feel you need to for physical safety reasons. Please contact your pastor for counseling.
God bless!
“if the unbeliever is willing to live with you” making life miserable for someone hardly counts as agreeing to live with them. That’s part of the problem with inexperienced people giving advice on unhealthy relationships , you leave the most important part of the scripture out
Thank you Heather for that!
I am in a same situation as southern girl. I have had a good start knowing him from childhood, starting well for over 8 yrs.From the first 5 years I was the only bread winner with our 3 young children, while juggling both with work and financially supported him to go back to University to attain his degree. Soon after he completed studies in the filed of Mining, found a good job,which half the month is spent away from and only comes for field breaks, Overtime, he has became so grumpy and snappy, as the case with Southern girl, he says nasty things and belittles me as much as possible. His habit of drinking alcohol has gone way over head, into hanging out late and coming home drunk trying to find fault in me to start an argument. He beats me up if I tell him of how I hurt I am, He shows no remorse nor an acknowledge what I do to please him, He even threatens to walk out on me and my children, and I am so scared I cant live to fend the children myself.
His actions has evidently shown his resentment for me,and has grown into isolating himself from sharing the same bed so violent. I am so confused how or what I did wrong to to allow this to come in between, I only pray things will work out and hold on for the sake of my children
Please take your kids and leave if your safety is threatened by your husband. I’m not suggesting,divorce, rather seek a safe, stable, and secure place for you and your kids. Sometimes separation is necessary in order to establish boundaries and it doesn’t mean divorce. If you do decide to leave, do not fear, God is your provider and you can depend on him to meet your financial needs. I’m not implying it will be easy, everything about it will be a difficult change but God will be with you every step of the way. Pray for yourself, your kids and your husband. Submit a prayer request at your church (it can be made anonymously). If you’re able and resources are available in your area, join a support group. I’m so sorry you’re hurting and afraid. You’re not alone, God has made you wonderfully and loves you and your kids. God has given you the role of mom to three kids and you need to protect them right now. Surrender it all to God, get safe then work on mending your marriage.
These are all great suggestions! Thanks for sharing these!
Don’t stay there is he is beating you. God does not want you to be a punching bag for anyone, even a spouse.
Please contact your pastor for some counseling. Pray for your husband that God would change his heart.
Where is that found in the bible?
women tend to despise their husbands b/c they look to their wife to be the leader. A woman was not created to be the spiritual leader or head of the household which results in exhaustion, frustration and resentment. Passivity in husbands is unfortunately reinforced by mainstream culture. Satan will continue to mislead men and women on God’s roles and responsibilites for a husband and wife. I’m speaking as a wearied wife married to a confused husband. My only advice is this, forgive daily (yes this is tough) as God forgives. Forgiveness might not come easy and may take some time and start as a choice of mind but eventually it’ll reach your heart. Forgiveness will open the door for God’s grace and blessings in your life. Second make clear boundaries, if you’re spouse speaks cruelly, let them know you will not accept being spoken to in that way and leave the room. If you’re in a harmful relationship, of course you (and kids) need to leave. Listen carefully, leave, not divorce. Sometimes separation is necessary. This is spiritual warfare but God has provided all weapons needed to have victory. Please remember, Satan will attack more as you fight for your marriage, stand strong in the name of Jesus and the enemy will flee. store up God’s word in your hearts and stay encouraged, you’re not alone. Ephesians 6:10-20
I would suggest getting some pastoral counseling immediately in these situations. Knowing what God’s Word says about these issues is critical to securing a holy outcome.
Very well said, I believe this is annoited. Agreed in my spirit. Thank you God Has Overcome.
Charles, I have been married for 4 years and together for 6 , in the beginning my husband had a ADHD drug addiction although he lived in denial. We went to pre marital counseling, and he promised to stop. We got married and the pills came back along with marijuana , then that stopped then it was lying about cigarettes and chewing tobacco. We have a child that is 2 and I love him dearly but I don’t know if I feel that way about my husband anymore. I am angry, bitter , resentful. We have gone to marriage counseling after we got married before our son but obviously that didn’t work . We both have good jobs and are not stressed financially but emotionally I am suffocating, how can I stay married to someone that I always find HIDDEN things?? I feel alone and rejected , every time I confront him he leaves for hours sometimes he sleeps in his vehicle in the driveway !
Have you contacted your pastor about your marriage troubles? I would suggest encouraging your husband to meet with you and the pastor.
And keep praying for your husband. Never stop praying! I pray that God blesses your heart through all this.
My husband is a jerk no gentleman only touches me for sex treats me like a maid nanny personal chef blow up doll and occasionally hurts me. He thinks he must pay bills only and I do EVERYTHING else with no help. I hate him and I hate this marriage!
I’m so sorry. You were never meant to be treated like that. You are precious in the eyes of God and should be treated by your husband as such.
If he is physically abusive, please separate from him. God did not make you to be a punching bag for any man. Seek pastoral counseling from your church. And never stop praying!
Fall to your knees – i give up – broken – lost – alone – feeling unloved and rejected – God help – restore – heal –
It’s funny how the view is so different from the cheap seats. Nobody is in a position to judge what someone should do, or worse, continue to tolerate, from a paragraph on a website. What should be shared, ideally, is what the word of God states about that issue, not an opinion.
The bible states clearly that if a Christian man is continuing in sin, drugs, etc, to have brothers from that local church confront him, etc etc the protocol is outlined. Not simply ignore the sin and hope it goes away, or separate temporarily.
I would like to see His word shared on here. It has all the answers we need.
Very true. Matthew 18 clearly describes how to handle discipline and a sinning brother.
I have written on that topic in the past, but this article was not about that issue. I hope I wasn’t coming across as being judgmental. I do believe I was being biblically correct, however.
God bless!
Hello, to my friends out there i am testifying about the good work of a man who helped me, it has been hell from the day my husband left me i am a woman with a kid my problem started when I traveled, when I came back i never knew he was living but as at two weeks i did not set my eyes on my husband i tried calling but he was not picking my calls, some week he called me telling me that he has found love some where, easy at first i never took it to be serious but day after he came to the house to pick his things that was the time i noticed that things is going bad i taught he would come back but things was going bad day by day i needed to talk to someone about it so i went to his friend but there was no help so i gave it up on him, month later i met on the internet a spell caster i never believed on this but i needed my man back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it for doing sake but after three days my husband called me telling me that he is coming home i still do not believe but as at the sixth day the father to my kid came to the house asking me to forgive him, the spell work from that day i was happy with my family thanks to priest atariajanaku of (igbalode). priest atariajanaku is a great man you need to try him you can as well tell him your problem so that he can be of help to you his content email is this “priestatariajanaku@gmail.com” indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. Remember his email is priestatariajanaku@gmail.com
Thanks for your comment, and I’m glad that God has been working in your life!
The change probably will not last.
I will admit I am somoene who googled “i hate my husband”…why? Because since the day we met he has done nothing but lie to me.
As much as I can appreciate the biblical ideals on marriage, however, in the world as it exists today the idea of a woman “submitting” to her husband as the “head of the household” and living “under his domain” is archaic.
Please do not mistake my opinion for “male bashing”, but over the last 40 years men do not rise the occasion of being the “head of the household”. Since women were thrust into the workplace and in many cases out earn their husbands, I can see how the resentment grows. Rather than “stepping” up and taking measures to better his earning potential to be the “head of household” men today let their wives pick up the slack. They no longer feel the need to take a second job on a part time basis to get through the rough patches or sacrifice their time in front of the TV to take night classes to further their education to earn a promotion. They do not want to take on the added “stress” that being “head of household” in that sense requires. The behaviors I see in some men today does not show me that they have the ambition to be the leader of the household. Over the course of our marriage i have received my MBA and promotions. My husband still earns what he did when we first met and has no ambition to better himself. He likes to enjoy the ammenities my success has brought us, even likes to brag about them to his friends as if he had a part in making it happen. Is that the sign of a leader? No its sad….he is at times a drain on our family and so the resentment grows and grows…..he clearly cannot teach our son to be a leader in that sense.
I’m so sorry to hear this. I pray that God does a mighty work in your husband’s heart, life, mind, and soul. Please contact your pastor and get some counseling with him as well.
The sad thing is that she has to teach her son that his dad is not a man, and that being a man is something he’ll have to learn from some other godly man. She’ll have to teach her son how to be a man by teaching him to do exactly the opposite of his dad. She will also have to teach her son to respect his dad in spite of his unwillingness to grow up.
I will be married for 12 years in May. I have 4 wonderful kids and a husband that I HATE daily. I have tried to talk to him about how I feel about the way he treats me and our kids ( they are all his kids). I feel that he treats our kids as if they are his step-kids and only an annoyance to him. I feel that the only time he considers me as a wife is when he is hungry, needs clean clothes, or is in “the mood”. I have resinistment towards him, and refuse to do much of anything for him. I can’t even remember the last time we kissed, in passing or really kissed. We started off rocky in the begining of our marrage and now that everything is settled down, it like we both can’t stand each other. I don’t know if I’m just scared to leave or if deep down I do love him and stop myself from leaving, but I need help either way.
My husband is narcissistic, loud, aggressive, pothead, alcoholic, knows everything, always right, I’m always wrong, flirts with other women, angry, not home much, lies constantly, yells, swears , everything’s my fault, . Needs constant praise, from anyone and everyone, . I can’t take it. married for 25 miserable years!
Pack your bags and separate now. This man needs consequences to his actions. It is the loving thing to do. Some people will never see that they need to change unless they face the fire. Go to a safe supporting place. You have contributed to the problem by staying to long. Pray for his eyes to be opened but go, go now. Don’t get back together for at least a year and even then have set boundaries with consequences clearly communicated.
I have the same situation for 30 yrs I was taken out of my house do to lies from him & his expensive attorney & I returned back to him & my children forgave him & now it’s a million times worse!! I prayed to God for him to help my husband see mour family as a precious gift to him we have so much health & he has spent all of our money his needs & his attorney!! I can’t put myself & my children threw this process of divorse again! He has called me the devil & I am so far from that it scares me! I am so hurt & so abandoned by him he has taken away everything from me!! I lost my job of 29 years cause ofo him he told my boss I was crazy & was going to report insurance fraud in his business! I got fired this was so far from the truth! I don’t know what to do I pray every minute I could I have 2 jobs & work very hard & now he wants my money & I don’t get anything from him which I have inheritance from my father which he took over & doesn’t provide me or our children with anything other than our home he remortgaged twice now we owe again. He has taken money out of his annuity & has hiden from me! I love him with all my heart & have tolerated drugs, alcohol, physical abuse, mental abuse!! How much more can I wait for God to intervein in my spouse!! I don’t want to hurt my children he tells me I will get nothing not even my children Cause he has a attorney that will ruin me once again!!
CRY – IT’S OK – I’M HURT TO – YOUR NOT ALONE – GOD HELP –
We have been married for 30 years. I have heard “I hate you” from my wife for 20 years. It was after marriage and children that secrets from her past started coming out. Abused as a child, rebellious teen coming to Christ, homosexual behavior, and then getting married, all without telling me anything. Then the anger and hate started. Blaming her father for how she treated me. There have been layers and layers slowly pealed back, like an onion. Each new layer, more anger, more blame, more inability to forgive, some healing, perhaps a light. Then another layer as a new part comes out. She refuses professional help, claiming all she needs is the church. The church says all she needs is the savior and a better more understanding husband. The church is ignorant on how to help and says we just need to pray more. They haven’t been slugged in front of their children, woken up with a fist in the stomach, and beaten down everyday. They haven’t been in the emergency room with a concussion getting a line of staples put in to hold the scalp on. It has been hard on our children, growing up with hate. Instead of memories of a secure home, they have hate and anger, lies and blame, and going to church with Mom after seeing her nearly kill Dad; while Dad stayed home to hide the bruises and wash off the blood. If I do not go to church, I am asked why my attendance is so bad. If I go to church with a black eye, I am joked about with “What happened, wife set you straight again” Ha Ha Ha. The children had to hear their mother yelling about divorce and leaving, about being taken away and keeping them from Dad. One daughter has to deal with a memory of coming home from school to find blood on the door and across the kitchen floor, blood soaked bath towels in the bathroom, and Dad gone from the house. While I was getting my head stapled back together, she cleaned up the blood while Mom sat in the living room and did nothing. But the church asked me what I did to cause it. I had been attacked from behind my back, which she even admitted to, but they still asked what I did to provoke and deserve it. After all, they say, “she’s a woman, it can’t be that bad” and “you are the head of the house, so any lack of Love is your fault as the husband” and “if you just loved her more, as Christ loved he church, then this wouldn’t happen.” There is no help from church or community. One time I did call the police for help and an ambulance. In place of help, they automatically asked me to leave the house, even though I was the one with a black eye and bloodied face. She had no mark at all, and I was told to leave or face arrest. Obviously the male deserves it. Only woman are abused. Abusers are always, and only, men. Then there are the pretend apologies, the forgiveness, the repeat, the new layer of story, the new reaction of hate and abuse. I am not a professional therapist. I am completely worn down. Christians are supposed to help bear one another’s burdens; until there really is someone that asks for help. Then everyone drifts off. Then there are only accusers, saying I somehow must have deserved it. I used to even believe them. And there is not one that says to her, that maybe she needs to change something, that maybe, despite the past, she is responsible for what she does now, without excuse. No, it is easier to pretend to not see it. I don’t need another lecture on how to live with it, and if I were just a better Christian. I need help. You don’t tell a drowning person, “well if you would just swim better.” But that is the Christian church. But I guess when there is a bullet in my chest, someone will pray for God to forgive whatever I did to deserve it, if I am even around after that. But she isn’t to blame, not in the church’s eye, she had it hard growing up so it is understandable; and besides, everyone knows it is never the woman that is at fault.
Jack. Hi . So sorry the church family failed you. I would be headed to another if I were you. No two churches are alike. We do have to keep in mind that people are people whether christian or not. Don’t take it personally and move on. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through.
Hi Jack I just want to say I’m so sorry for your trouble. She is very clearly mentally unstable. Something you said made me want to say amen but I can’t get personal cause someone could recognize my comment.
Sir,
Greetings in the name of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
I have been married for over 8years without an Issue(fruit of the womb) but for over 4years now my wife have been constantly leaving the marriage over lack of child (three to Four times now) and each time she does that I will be the one begging with tears for her (my wife) to come back, several time her father (my father-in-law) do intervene to bring reconciliation to the marriage and still she continue repeating the same thing over and over again without anyone knowing where she use to go or stay. There are times when she live I will be praying at night using her picture before she will finally agreed to come back home. And what have been her reasons? That she is no more interested in the marriage and that the love for me is no more in her heart (in short that the love is death long time ago). That a marriage where she is not contributing anything and in all these I will find a way of convincing her to come back-most time for the moment.
Recently, to be precise on Thursday 5th February, 2015 she travelled to the village for a wedding and agreed to come back home on Saturday 7th February, 2015 but she never did, I called her on phone to find out the problem her response was she is not coming back again, I thought she was just saying it as her things are in the house not knowing to me she has packed the valuable ones. On Monday 9th February, 2015 I called her, this time she affirmed that she is no more coming back, I asked for the reason she said the marriage no longer interest her as I tried to convince her as before she quickly cut me and said “she doesn’t love me again” and I said okay when are you coming to pack your properties because at this point I lack what to say. As of now, she is still out there no one know where to find her.
I know my only solution now is God as all options to reconcile in the past has failed. I will be very glad to know God opinion on this issue.
I look forward to your favourable response.
Yours in Christ,
Monday, Billy Nuhu
You need to let her go and build your life back up in Christ. She will not respect you if you don’t do this. If she comes back, you need to set up clear boundaries and consequences for crossing them. Stop being a peon; begging for your wife to love you. That will just make you more and more unattractive to her. Rise up to be a strong man of faith. Stop contributing to the problem by catering to her poor choices. Love her by letting her go now!
HUSBAND LOVE HE – CHRIST DIED FOR THE CHURCH – SEE THE FRUITS BY DOING SO –
HUSBAND LOVE HER –
I didn’t all of this. NO need. I don’t think I’ve ever been in love with my husband. We met as young teens. got pregnant shortly after. Been a struggle ever since. I hate everything about him and the feeling gets stronger the more I get to know him. And yes. I can point out some things about him that are good. But most are not. So, staying married at this point is a mute point. I’m 51, finally grown up and realizing what a tragic mistake I made.
Read. I didn’t read.
I have a question. My husband has a really bad breath problem. And by really bad, I mean, i can’t stand sitting by him in church so I quit going. How bad is this? I and one of his closest friends have told him about it , and he used lysterine after his friend told him about how bad his breath was, but he didn’t keep it up for long. Ok. go. comments please?
Get as many people as you can to tell him. Pray for him to let God show him the truth. If he is a Christian, the holy spirit lives in him, so he needs to get this problem, medical or not, fixed. It does not represent his Savior well.
My husband was like that. Sometimes I would tell him on the way to church not to get close to people when he talks because his breath was so terrible. He quit drinking soda, which he always had coke, large, always. After a few days the bad breath was gone. I can always tell when he’s been drinking coke by his breath. He smelled like he’d swallowed a dead rotten rat until he quit drinking coke.
I got so much hope after reading your suggestions! But pls help me how to cope up with the high amount of stress ! My husband after three and half years of marriage is still the same ! Unloving , careless, irresponsible, very controlling, selfish, rude …husband ! From day I tried my best to be a good loving wife! I cannot visit my family, I cannot go anywhere , I cannot take any decision , I cannot have any friends or relatives ! If I ask for something he shuts down for days and months ! I should not ask any small thing for my happiness! I have to wait for his permission which never happens ! If my mother or any relative visits us, he gets rude and angry almost every time! I pray to god daily to give me strength ! But am breaking down ! He simply cuts off all
connection with me ! No emotional, or physical relation all those days with me if i make repeated pleading then if he talks for a day ! Again he finds some fault and does not talk for months ! We dont have any children because there is no intimacy at all. I am 36 years ! Time is just passing by with no relationship! I don’t want to break up with my husband! Pls advise me
This is serious abuse. Your husband has mental issues and might really hurt you. You need to leave and make a new life for yourself in a safe place. Do not seek another relationship though. Make God your priority.
Pastor’s Wife
I have been married for 14 year; I was 18 years old and so very much in love. I was a sweet, naive wife, who adored my husband. He cheated, many times. Had drug addictions, and of course all the lies, financial issues, stress, etc. that comes with that. He introduced me to things that were not right. I even joined into the dysfunctional way of life, to understand him and be on his level. I felt as we were Bonnie and Clyde. We have a daughter early in our marriage. I feel horrible for the life she has to live as a young child. We eventually grew out of that life style. We had ups and downs over the years and I grew into an aggressive, bitter, resentful wife with a poisoned tongue. He tries to make up for his years of hurt, but I am just unhappy and mean. We gone to church and even tried counseling. Years later He became secret friends to a younger woman and cheated, I wanted to leave, but we got pregnant. It was unplanned and 10 years apart from our first. We previously tried to get pregnant but were told by a couple doctors, our chances were very slim, so I consider our pregnancy a sign from God to stay together. We were really great during pregnancy, but after, I still felt the same way… resentment, bitter, angry, everything he does is not right in my eyes. When I’m annoyed, I hate him! I feel as we have just grown apart. He is very attractive, but I have no interest in having sex. I love him, but I am not in love with him, like if we are brother and sister. All our friends and family think we are a prefect couple. Little do they know I am very unhappy, and I hate the person I have become. I take responsibility for my actions but I feel like this man has ruined me and made me an ugly person. He currently adores me, shows his love and affection, and showers me with gifts etc. However, I am not sure I can truly love him, respect him or show genuine love to him ever again. I do not know what to do.
Start telling trusted friends and family what is really going on with you. Get a support team of Christians to talk with and pray for you. Do not continue to keep all of this inside. If this angers your husband it’s probably because he is starting to feel some sense of accountability. You need others to share your burden.
anyway, contemporary world is the supplementary support (toward wife) of contradiction between wife and husband, so one who follows world’s influence will never or very difficult to consider Bible’s teaching…….
I remember lying in my room when I was in high school and writing in a journal to my future husband. I’d write all sorts of notes and questions and things I’d wonder or ask this man when I eventually met him. I would wonder where he was and what he was doing and if he was thinking about me too. It has always been such a strong desire in my heart to find a wonderful man to marry, someone who would love me and cherish me and appreciate me for the person I am. I always thought I would get married right out of college, just like my parents, so when that plan didn’t work out, I started to get discouraged. A school mate snatched my future husband away from my arms just because she had spiritual powers, all hope was lost to me before i came across the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@gmail.com
) who i confided in, i told him my long story and he helped me regain back my lover with his prayers which is now my husband today. if you have any problem email the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@gmail.com
).
greetings in the name of Jesus 6 years ago my wife of 15 years was caught in a secret adulterous sex affair behind my back with her sister’s ex boyfriend out of nowhere supposedly visiting her nephew and niece he had custody of. we had been together since she was 17 and a half years old and I was barely 21 she had a previous baby buy a teenage boyfriend that didn’t work out and we were together almost two years before we started our own family together ultimately having five children total. her family from the very beginning was nothing but trouble I found out she came from a very abusive home life single motherhood drugs alcohol abuse and all kinds of things that I was never exposed to. we had our ups and downs but we pretty much for a very happy for a long time just being together. we kind of grew up together and work hard we learned how life was and her children were beautiful and I worked hard went back to school got a great job there really wasn’t any financial issues and I spoiled her rotten with gifts vacations trips birthdays Christmases but in our children were the main point of our lives we shared together. I never thought one weekend in 2008 would completely destroy my life and I never understood why or what she did that for against me I was completely devastated. since then it’s been living hell, when her adultery came out we had about some prescription overdose, attempt suicide she’s been taken to jail for domestic battery on me and the teenage children now she claims she’s hated me her whole life she claims I didn’t pay enough attention to her which I cannot say is true because I did nothing but pay attention to her and it seems of this she is only mad because she got caught not really sorry or remorseful at all about everything but she did eventually apologize once we return to church. century return to church everyone including the pastors all see how much she hates me it’s clear that unforgiveness and attacking me as a person cutting me down and everything is not of the Bible and yet she continues to be this way knowing the truth of God’s Word. we have tried numerous counselling sessions and dozens of friends have tried to mentor her and letting go along with me as well because I had to forgive her and let go to move on for both of us when she pretty much acted like the last 6 years have been nothing more than an annoyance to her living with her own family and it has almost destroyed our teenage children and whatever threads of relationship was left between us because all she does is seek conflict. I never saw this coming she was always so quiet sweet and happy to be on her own and away from her disastrous family in laws that has done nothing but fax us since the day we met each other and I don’t understand why she knows the truth of the Bible and marriage principles yet she defies everything and loves Jesus but has twisted the gospel her way which is not Jesus. even the pastors have grown frustrated with her and have decided to hand it over to God completely in prayer because she wants to be saved but she doesn’t want to change and I don’t want to judge her either. but in return all she does is tell me off cut me down insult me blame accuse and fight with me every single time I try and visit my kids after I was able to get my own separate place to live because it was too much tension in the home. I guess I kind of already know my answer and that is to let her go if I really love her which I’ve done and handed over to God to as well myself because nothing I do on my own seems to work she doesn’t listen to pastors councilors police probation court nobody it’s almost as if she’s proud to be a man hater but I don’t even think that’s something that she really is as well so I’m confused. after a year at church I don’t think the marriage is reconcilable at this point but I still pray for her and hope that she does change back to the person I once knew yet I still struggle why she went out one summer weekend and did the unthinkable with someone she doesn’t even like yet she treated him and everyone else she meets with nice and caringfriendly person but the second I walk through the door anger comes out of her face as the father of her children and her husband she treats perfect strangers better than me. I was hoping maybe somebody had been through a similar situation and through Jesus it was all fixed in the long run but at this point I think that I am just better off being separated to escape all the domestic violence hate and unforgiveness she shows towards me and I’m the one that was cheated on and she completely lied about the whole thing for about 6 years only recently coming clean with what really happened only because church people confronted her at first she was sexually assaulted then she was hindered on prescription pills and didn’t know what was happening then it changed her I did it on purpose because I hate you. so I’m just left with the pieces of my life to pick up and try and figure it out but it just pains me to think I spent almost 20 years with this person five kids later with no sign of trouble anywhere before it happened thinking I did all the right things as a husband and a father providing for my family only to discover possibly that my wife had been faking it for almost 15 years but secretly behind my back wishing to be just like her trashy family so I truly don’t know what to think anymore. like the Bible says you cannot say that you love your brother and sister and God why you hate your brother and sister at the same time and refusing to forgive someone so you may be forgiven is just as bad.
Women hate their husbands because they don’t know how to satisfy them. That is the real problem with most marriages. Women do not know how to be good wives. They only know what they see on TV or read in a novel.
Sorry, but men need to start leaving these women. There is no need for a man to let a woman nag him to death. These women are usually hopeless. Once they get divorced, they stay single and bitter for the rest of their lives. They don’t learn from their mistakes because they truly believe that they did nothing wrong.
Men, please step up and leave these women! I did and I feel so much better. These women are a disease that needs to be eradicated. All of the love and prayer in the world will not work for them. Just did yourselves of them and get somebody better.
I don’t care how long you have been together or how many kids you have. If your wife hates you, forget her. She isn’t worth the trouble of effort any longer. Part ways with her and do not look back. Don’t let her emotions make you weak and trap you. They are just a tool to manipulate you. Once the tears stop and the realization that you are leaving her sinks in, she will go crazy. But don’t let that make you stay. Run far and long. That is the only way.
With all due respect, this is some of the worst advice I’ve ever seen.
You don’t “just leave” your spouse. Ever!
Yes you do.
Men, please do not let guilt or fear or a commitment trap you. You cannot be held responsible for the bad actions of your wife. You make a promise to stay through the hard times. Being hated by your wife is not a hard time. That is a reason to run away!
You have to realize that some women are truly evil. As a Christian, you work to live a Christ-centered life. That means avoiding people that will pull you further into sin. Wicked women, even one that you are married to, will draw you further away from God.
Please start being true men and use your gifts. Use your intellect and strength to free you from women that want you to suffer. You were never intended to be a fool or to suffer. You are better than that.
It is sad that I have to say these things, but other people will just tell you to “stick in there. It will get better.” They do not know your own pain, suffering, frustration, anger, confusion, and disappointment. They will lie just to guilt you into staying in a bad situation. The truth is that you can be free and happy and healthy and loved. Yes, you can be loved instead of loathed!
spoken by the almighty god of women haters. Your arrogance is unbelievable.
My husband does not like to do the things I like to do. One of my passions is traveling. I planned a trip in March 2015. He wasn’t really happy about that but I was excited about going. However, due to the lack of funds, I had to cancel the trip. I was very depressed. On the other hand, my husband was so happy that I cancelled the trip that he wanted to make love to me!!! I was so angry at the gesture because I LOVE to travel and he doesn’t. I cried all day. I pretty much lost any interest in my husband.
Marriage is one issue among many others in life. The one reason for all these problems is we lean on our own understanding and do not acknowledge our Creator God in all our ways. God truly loves us and designs a divine and good plan for each for us. We cannot choose our way and expect God to bless it. By choosing not to follow Him & His ways, we have chosen to subject our lives to God’s enemy, satan who steals, destroys and kills God’s beloved creations.
In this world, there is simply nothing that truly and permanently satisfies our God-shaped heart other than our Maker Himself. NEVER look to husbands (or anyone for that matter) to love us and bring us true happiness, it’s a guaranteed way to end up hating them for not meeting our needs. The truth is this: no human is designed or made able to give us fulfillment or happiness in life. Only One – Our heavenly Husband Jesus is able.
Our Creator God knows us before we were even born and has always loved us with His everlasting love that every human being craves for. Go for Him, let your happiness be revolved around Him and seek Him only – through His word. He will NEVER fail you. And even if today we have already messed up, God sure can and is willing to make everything work together for our good.
you quit going to church because of your husbands bad breath? I would suggest you being his wife may want to confort him I believe it would be less embarassing for him and you.
I hate my husband for too many reasons to mention. We have been together for 19 years and married for 14. I pray everyday for God to give me strength to be the loving wife I am supposed to be… To remove the hatred from my heart. I have forgiveness issues and pray that I can forgive. I am lonely, heartbroken, bitter, jealous of friends in loving relationships. I have pleaded with him to go to counseling but he will not. Please pray for me. Please pray for my husband for he is not saved. Please pray for my children, they are why I want to leave I do not want my marriage to ruin their lives.
Really interesting reading all the posts. I’m at a loss as to what direction I should take with my marriage. I have been married 12 years, been with him 13. He was my first boyfriend and we got married after a year. Three kids later, he wants out of the marriage. Says he doesn’t love me anymore and wouldn’t stay in an unhappy marriage while loving someone else outside. Ive seen everything from his stash of condoms which he doesn’t hide in the house to email chats between him and various women. He also speaks to these women at odd hours in our home to my hearing. I guess as I type this even I know that as I pray I need to give him the separation he wants not only to heal from the harsh words and a lot of actions (which I wouldn’t even get started on) but I should build back my self esteem. We still live together and he hasn’t spoken to me in almost six months other than to discuss a bill that needs to be paid or complain about something. The communication is completely broken. I know God can do the impossible, but even in my confused state I know I can’t continue in the marriage in the same terms as before. Everything was fairly okay when I did what he wanted but the one time I stood my ground on what I want all hell breaks loose massively. I never thought I would be divorced, I’m pretty tough and this has broken me in so many ways. I really want to move on one way or another but confused. He is moving out at the end of the month. I told him I would be moving to a smaller place and he asked me not to, saying he wants stability for the kids for the time being but when the divorce is official I can then go wherever I want. Mind you he doesn’t intend to contribute a dime while he is gone. I presume he will be back at some point to collect his things. But until then he expects me to stay put and keep the wheels turning. He made it explicitly clear that we can no longer be and asked me to move on, even giving me advise for my next relationship. My husband is an extremely difficult and complex person and a part of me wonders if this is something I should ride out. Stay, continue to remain faithful and pray. Or maybe it’s time to move on. All so confusing.
To add to this, I did suggest counselling and he laughed and asked if I really expect a counsellor can teach him or make him love me. He says his resentment has grown into hatred and sadly I hear him talk of moving on with his friends. He’s said so many untrue things about me to family and friends, I think he expected his family and mine to support what he plans to do. But seeing that their not he blamed me for bringing third parties into our marriage and another reason for the breakup, advising me to avoid this in my next relationship. He leaves home at will and without a word for weekends and vacations and splurges or all sorts of expensive stuff for himself. Thankfully I work and can take care of myself and kids, but I don’t want the fact that I am comfortable on my own and will have more peace aside all the drama when he is gone to stop me from praying and believing for my marriage if there is hope.
I felt an urge to respond to all these posts. I am the guy that was cheated on with a beautiful wife of 15 years, 5 lovely children, and I had no clue of anything whatsoever. I always worked hard, tried to provide the best I could for my family, loved my wife to pieces, and when I found out she had went and had a sex affair “out of nowhere” behind my back in 2008 with her sister’s ex-boyfriend, I was completely devastated. I spent years re-playing the events over and over, the why’s, the what for’s, and really for over 6 years I was tormented with the fact, that apparently my wife never loved me as much as I loved her in the final end, and her upbringing, her prescription abuses, and her unhappiness and depressions in life that I never knew about, I guess you could say skewed her judgement, but really people know what they are doing, we are not that stupid, and it completely destroyed my marriage, my children, and my family.
The main reason was because when I confronted her, she lied about everything for 6 years, watered down the truth, facts, events, and even toward the beginnings of our separation, she barely let out bits and pieces to truth, but then boldly stated what she did tell me was all lies too, and I think her excuse of “being out of her mind” was true, but a lame one at best, especially when she says it was on purpose, she knew what she was doing, she could have walked away, but didn’t.
The bottom line is that what I have learned is that when a husband or a wife is caught using porn, they are substituting their emotions for their spouse; it is very damaging to fantasize about porn thinking it makes your love life better. When you catch them lying, they likely are, but they are not going to admit it. When you find things that don’t match your home, texts, emails, hair pieces, jewelry, or whatever – don’t doubt yourself and give so much credit to your spouse, because they are again, likely going to lie about what is foreign in your home – if it doesn’t make sense, it probably shouldn’t be there. And like I learned the hard way, people really don’t have any rhyme or reason why, they are just humans looking for selfish pleasure, and it doesn’t matter how many kids you have, how many years you have been married, like me, I never thought it would happen, and it did anyways. Love is key to a marriage being successful, if your spouse does not respect you, love you, submit to your marriage faithfully, or just looks at you in a light other than the Love of his life, you are at risk for heartache.
The bottom line is that you cannot build a time machine and go back to fix it all. Once you are cheated on, it is a very heavy toll to repair. First, Jesus is bigger than all of this. Never doubt the power of prayer. Ask God to increase your faith to save your marriage and your spouse. Ask God for wisdom, grace, and forgiveness, and the hardest one of all – forgive your cheating spouse, not for their sake, but so you can be set free. DO NOT dwell on all the dirty details, it will consume you and destroy your mind with what you cannot change anyways. Anyone who takes off, works till 2am, never comes home for days, lies about their whereabouts with children at home, hides their emails, texts, locks on their phones, and any or all kids of bizarre activity away from home is not the right picture; STOP doubting what you know in your heart to be true. The Bible says you will know the truth when you see it, remember whatever you sow in life, you shall reap, and destruction in a home through adultery from husband or wife, is a heavy price to pay on a family. Only through Jesus can restoration and forgiveness be key to saving your marriage. “God hates divorce” as written in Malachi, and children are a gift from God. Not everyone can get past the hump of the pains of heartache, but you must forgive in order to be forgiven yourself. You cannot walk around living in the past, it already happened, you cannot go back and change it, and you cannot make the spouse re-live it because they already forgotten it the second they walked out the motel room door knowing in a guilty conscious what they did, and will only fight you over the truths of things, because they are broken. When your spouse treats you like crap, they are actually lashing out on you, for the pains they carry in their heart. YOU CANNOT force anyone to change, you cannot make them cooperate, and you cannot make them repent, they have to want to change their life, learn to really love, and be a spouse for their family. There is HOPE in Jesus, not divorce. A person may separate for a while, but the Bible says, they must return to their spouse, as adultery is a violent stain on a man’s life, like a red garment, for all to see basically and vise versa; public scorn is worse than anything, and if enough time goes by, you won’t have to worry about you confronting them, other people will – focusing on fixing you and protecting and rasiing your children. God has an interesting way of dragging people into obedience for those who have been faithful in prayer and faith, against the trespasses in their lives.
In this world you are not going to escape heartache. Jesus said if they hated me, they are going to hate you! Also, Jesus said Offenses will come, it is impossible for them not to. So in life, although nobody wants to live or endure a sex affair in their marriage, which defiles the home, the family, and the intimacy in the bedroom that God created, you can overcome. The Bible says No man can divide what God brings together, the marriage is His perfect union. So with your faith, you can be healed.
A divorce paper stops nothing, but its man’s law that frees people from legal responsibility. It will not fix your marriage. You can hold up the paper and say it says this or that, but it stops nothing. Its not God’s law written in the Bible, which is eternal and will live forever, as His words will not pass away, but Heaven and Earth will.
You can try counseling, you can go talk to a Pastor if they will cooperate (if they don’t go, obvious that’s a red flag) and you can take steps to try and address the pains and restore the marriage, but the other person has to want the same result. Until then, the power of prayer is your only key, because only Jesus can fix a hopeless situation, repair your heart, and bring peace to your life, not man or any law or anything.
I am speaking to you from years of suffering, and I sit here now telling you, I may have gotten a few truths among all the fighting, and I may have gotten a few tears from my spouse, but I never got anything that was a positive progression toward healing the marriage, until I took it to Jesus and laid it at his feet and let him be the Master Counselor. Jesus can heal you, and it it is meant to be, heal your spouse and all their shortcomings too, including drugs, alcohol, and violence among sex affairs – that is the Devils main strategy is to ruin families, and divide perfect Love. Love conquers all, try loving them back, as hard as it can be, and see what happens when you forgive them so you can hold your chin up and move-on in life, and leave them to God to deal with. The Bible says, Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord…I will repay those who hurt you. So don’t dwell on your spouse or revenge on their lover…give it to God, so you may have peace. Its your personal mental health, your life, your heart, and your spirit that is being vexed by all this, so don’t let sin win and take a stronghold in your life, fight sin with Jesus.
Thank you for your wise biblical and heartfelt advice! I am truly trapped and suffering with a crushed spirit feeling barely able to go on and function after almost 9 years of a horrible, loveless, unfaithful marriage with other issues such as addiction, lies, abuse, etc..we have 5 children and my husband professes that he accepted Christ a year and a half ago and PTL I have not seen evidence of drugs point or cheating….still some violence and very unloving /apathetic. ..I am just having a terrible time regaining trust in him and trusting the Lord with my marriage! I have been a Christian for 12 years but have grown so very weary in this fire!! Please remember us in prayer! Thanks for encouragement! God bless you!
I am the 2nd wife. I have been married for about a year and a half. My husband kicked me and my daughter out after 1 week of marriage. We were separated for about a year with little contact. I have prayed so hard for my husband to seek the lord, for him to resist temptation amd to love me like he is called to do. My husband has since began listening to his bible app and I have tried to respect my husband and prayed for God to help me. We have been living together again for about 4 months but I have found numerous hidden pornographic photos that my husband has no idea that i know about. We very rarely are sexually intimate. He is irrationally jealous of other men who pass by. I have never cheated on him and try to show him that i love him. He says things that hirt my feelings and make me insecure about our relationship. He jokes about leaving and threatens to leave when we argue. I’ve told him it hurts my feelings but he said he doesn’t care and it’s not a big deal. Whe it is and it matters to me. I dont feel loved. I feel used. I resent him for kicking me and mt daughter out. I resent him for sleeping with other women while we were separated. I googled i hate my marriage. At the moment i would be alone than be married. I’m mad at myself that i let him back in. He twists scripture around to try to condemn me. I know that he is supposed to be the leader of the house hold and should be respected but i hate being mistreated. I hate that my daughter see’s him separate himself. He resists becoming 1 flesh. We dated on and off for 3 years and during those 3 years i know that he slept with his ex wife who cheated on him and thendivorced him he didn’t want the divorce. From my knowledge and experience with her she is unfaithful disrespectful and selfish. Being married to him is how i imagined him being matried to her, only I’m in his position now. I can’t he but think that maybe the right thing to happen would be for him to divorce me and re marry her after all she was the 1st wife. I just hate my marriage so much. I’m mad at myself that i took him back. I’m mad at myself for praying for him. I’m mad at myself that i didn’t file for divorce myself
Please give me advice. I am 23 years old and have a six year old daughter and pregnant with my second. I met my husband 3 years ago and I knew he drank but never realized how bad it was. He is the bread winner and it’s a good paying job, but as soon as he wakes up at 5 he drinks 3 beers and when he comes home has another 12. Weekends is a bottle of whiskey finished by 11 and twelve to twenty beers on top of that (I count). I moved to another city for him, changed my daughters school for him and I don’t have a job so I’m pretty much stuck. He says he can do whatever he wants because the bills are paid and I don’t want for anything but what I want is to not have to watch him slowly kill himself everyday. Should I just leave him be and let him continue drinking or should I take my daughter out of school and move back in with my parents and have the baby by myself. Please help me
I put my husband in jail and I love him and misses him what do I do
I’m confused and discouraged in my marriage. I was ready to file for separation but odd things kept happening to keep me from filling the papers. I was praying at the moment for healing in our marriage. I stopped the process and I seen a big change in my husband. I feel like my husband is back to his old tricks again so I started to check on him I found messages flirting with his boss. I’m discouraged I don’t want to forgive my husband but I’m going to keep praying god changes my heart.
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Hello Charles,
I’m thankful ive found ur site for it s been many years ive been asking God to give me a sign and tell me what to do; tell me whether I should leave my husband or stay, or just change my husband for good.
I feel suffocated and have no idea what to do. I love my husband so much, but now I really do hate him. He’s disrespectful and emotionally abusive, but he cant see it. I cant say anything to him. I cant show any facial expressions. He wants me to be a robot that just fulfills his wishes. He doesnt help me in anything. I do all the chores. He doesnt even throw his tissue in the waste bin which is right next to him. I feel so tired really. I feel im nothing, and if I try to ask him to do something or to tell him he s wrong, he starts to blame it all on me, and it ends up by him yelling at me and shouting. I think he’so arrogant. He has been raised to feel that way. Sometimes I think that he needs a slave, not a wife. Not to mention that when he s in the mood, he shows me huge love, but when he’s not he doesnt mind to disrespect me in front of his family, my family or friends. My husband thinks he’s better than anybody else.
I cant deny that I have my own mistakes as well, but im really trying, but whenever I try, he asks for more and does nothing. He doesnt like to do any activity. he just likes to sleep, though he’s brilliant and so commited to his work.
I dont know what to do. God isntgiveing me answers. I want to leave him, but im afraid to. I’m dying to have kids, but im afraid to.
Please help me cos I love him and hate him and I feel there’s no me.
Women need other women of faith, to build each other up, strengthen one another, pray for one another, encourage one another, etc. Find some!!!! You can’t believe how important this is. Sometimes our men are overburdened by our neediness, we can relieve that by getting some of our needs met by Christian friends, needs for love and companionship, attention and affection. When I neglect my relationship with my women friends my self confidence goes down down down, that’s when he abuses me most, that is when he puts me down most. Join an art club, take a music class, do something you love just for you, to build your confidence and express yourself, schedule a walk with a Christian friend every morning, exercise is a good way to become content with yourself. You can be happy if you start doing these things in spite of what goes on in your relationship with your husband. Be a good wife, and be a good YOU! Put Christ first. Your husband is NOT god. Put your Jesus first, and then respect your husband. If the only reason you can find to respect your husband is that he is made in God’s image, then that is a good enough start. Learn to be content and loving yourself in your situation.
Thank u Teressa for ur reply. I have no friends left and im living in saudi arabia. It’s a place where nothing can be done.I try to pray from to time, but sometimes I feel so down that I cant.
Please pray for me so I can know what to do.
I will try to think that y husband isaGod’s image as u suggested whenever I feel hurt.
Do I just pray for my husband and ignore everything he does and doesn’t do? And try to let everything go and let God? The reason I’m asking is, my husband is a narcasitic and he will never admit to anything he ever does wrong. Not one thing. It’s never his fault or it’s someone else’s fault. I’ve tried talking to him. The main problem is he does nothing but work, which I’m grateful for that. But then as soon as he comes home he lays in the bed and watches tv. On weekends he does it all day Saturday & Sunday. I’m 56 yrs old and we have been together for 22 years. I don’t know if I never saw he was like this or what. But the past 2 years he’s got worse and worse. I’ve just never know anyone that doesn’t do anything. Where ever he takes his shoes off or clothes that’s where they stay till I pick them up. The livingroom where he stays and sleeps stays a wreck unless I continueously clean up behide him. He doesn’t put anything up. He got mad at me the other day and stomped out because I asked him to shut a drawer he left open. Today after I got home from a good sermon at church we ended up getting into it. Just because I asked him to feed the dogs who haven’t been fed since yesterday. They are suppose to be his responsibilty. I can’t even get him to hardly take them out. My house stays a wreck because I’m spending all my time trying to pick up everything he leaves out. Someone said just leave everything and don’t do anything. Well they don’t work. He don’t care and still will walk around shoes in the middle of the floor, dishes lined up on end tables, trash overflowing, etc. which in turn makes me have just double the work if I don’t do anything. I’m so tired and it was suppose to be a wake up call a year and a half ago when I almost died and had brain surgery. He swore that he knew all the stuff I had to do since I was in the hospital a week. When I got home it look like the house had been broke into. It took me a week to get it cleaned up where you could walk. Sorry I’ve went in but I wanted you to get a clear picture. God can change anyone I know. But he has gave up on serving. It does matter how many times I try to talk to him he will not take responsiblity for anything he does or doesn’t do. I’m at my wits end and so tired if being exhausted from trying to clean and can’t see the light of day with it. There’s so much dirt and filth here. But I can’t seem to see my way through because of just trying to keep the basics done. So like I asked in the beginning do I need to just keep cleaning and picking up and waiting on him and and foot and pray that The Lord will have him wake up to his behavior. With him being narcasitic he don’t see anything wrong and thinks I’m terrible for asking him to do anything. As with the typical narcasitic person, he feels very entitled and sees nothing wrong with me running around doing everything. Thanks for listening and sorry so long. I’m going to continue to pray that The Lord will help me keep pushing on. But this makes me feel so lonely and depressed. We go somedays not even speaking unless he needs me to do something for him. But he don’t care to even talk to me half the time because he don’t think anything I say is worth listening to. Most days I have to repeat conversations I’ve had with him because he wasn’t listening the first time and was watching tv of reruns he’s already watched over and over. I just have no hope sometimes. If it wasn’t for The Lord I don’t know how I would face another day. I have a daughter that is too busy with her life to have time unless she needs money. I do know that The Lord as sent my best friend from 40 years ago to retire here out of the blue. I know The Lord has sent her so I will have someone for companionship and I won’t be so alone. The Lord knows how lonely I have been. So Praise His Name for sending her. So she just got here so that’s going to help me a lot. And she is a born again Christian too so I won’t be getting bad advice. Thanks again and so sorry. As you can tell I long for someone to talk to. God Bless You for this website. Donna
Hey, is exactly 1year my lover came back to me, I’m letting you know how i got my ex back because this Christmas holiday everyone need there love ones around them not just your love ones but your lover, a year ago i was heartbroken and i knew i could not spend the holiday alone that is when i was looking for how i can make my lover come back to me so that we can make things right, to cut the long story short on a faithful day i came across the details i will be dropping on the internet, someone talking about how she got her ex back so i took this details I’m dropping via email: (((ekpentemple at gmail.com)) and i contact him and i told him that i want my lover to come back to me, today I’m with my lover. Thanks you Dr. EKPEN TEMPLE for the help.
(robinsonbuckler @ yahoo. com) is a wonderful spell caster. Very trustworthy, he just restored my marriage.
I was with my ex for 3 years n 6mthns n he cheated on me so we split, before he left me, we were planing to get married in the future, I loved him so much but I became tired of him lying to me every time he opens his mouth, I went into search for help in the internet, I tried many different spells from almost every place locally as well as online and none of them worked, I almost gave up hope because I thought i will never see my lover again forever, one day i saw some testimony about this powerful spell caster Mr Robinson i emailed him and i asked him to help me bring back my lover and he did A Lover Spell for me And after some days, my lover returned back to me I’d like to say that i got a positive result from
(robinsonbuckler@ (yahoo). com) ever since i used his love spell, my lover have learned to appreciate me more and more day by day, and he doesn’t take me for granted
I feel like marriage is more of a curse than a blessing.
My husband would make an perfect cult member.
He works hard (so do i) and he is involved with our kids’ sports.
He is a neo conservative good ‘ol boy.
He claims to believe in God, but that’s where his beliefs stop.
Our daughter is nearly 18 and I found some messages on her phone and her friend from school was wanting her to be her girlfriend.
My husband was furious.
I talked with her some.
I know she is seeking an emotional connection she doesn’t get from her father, because I don’t either.
And asked if we could all seek counsel. But he said no! He even forbade me to tell anyone. I need counsel myself. I pray and beg God for mercy and to help me submit, but I can never trust him. Which makes me feel I’m not trusting God, then makes me feel like i don’t even know if I’m saved. I feel like my daughter will do whatever she wants in a few months when she’s 18.
She responds well to me when we speak about it. And I pray for her.
But I feel nothing. I just want to die. I really do.
Death sounds so peaceful.
Jess, your comment, “But I feel nothing. I just want to die. I really do. Death sounds so peaceful.”
Your conclusion sounds like my wife’s, yet she is on an entirely different path, but nonetheless she oftentimes comes to a similar conclusion. It is very very very depressing to me her husband when she so seriously concludes this, because I know she settles into it as if there is no other option, it’s the end-of-the-line, this is it and there is no hope at all. Yet I know there is hope, that this isn’t hopeless but rather very hopeful, and this is only the end-of-the-line if she wants it to be, in other words she is choosing that path (but doesn’t realize she is choosing it).
My heart aches for my wife, and your “Death sounds so peaceful” comment is, forgive me for saying it, such a peaceful thought — but I must remind myself that it is only a false peace being sold, that in fact the only peace is the peace in trusting our Creator the Lord God of the Bible.
Depression/discouragement/hopelessness are things that bring us down, but don’t let them, because our Saviour tells us He has overcome all of them, including death itself. So don’t speak of death as being peaceful, rather, embrace the new life Christ tells us is ours, if we trust Him for it. Read the book of Job in the Old Testament, because that man had everything, a wife, 10 kids, tons and tons of possessions, and it was all taken away from him. And his friends came afterwards and tried their darndest to (after sitting quietly beside him for 7 days waiting for the right time to speak) to try to reason with him and help explain and help him, but they all failed. And then, and then and the end… God Himself spoke and put everything in perspective.
Blessings, I will pray for you and your marriage, please pray for me and mine.
Of course God doesn’t want a marriage to end or the world to go into war but those things are inevitable. What does it matter if one spouse is trying to save the marriage when the other doesn’t move a muscle to fix things? You cannot just sit and watch your husband belittle you and disrespect you, while you mourn for love. It doesn’t work that way. There is such as thing as not being meant for one another. As not getting along and having terrible communication. Therapy or counseling doesn’t always work either. Especially when one spouse bashes it. You only have one life therefore make the most of it and get out of an unhappy marriage.
Thank you for your words.
I am praying that God change my heart.
I’m trying to transform and renew my mind.
I’m trying to be more thankful as well.
I know that God is the only one who can change me and my husband.
Hate is a very Strong word.
(MUST READ: HOW I GOT BACK MY HUSBAND AFTER DIVORCE)
I am Claudia Kosa, I thought i should share this here, My husband and I have been together for 9 years we have lived as a one happy family. About January i suspected my husband was seeing someone else as he constantly came back home very late and careless about out kids and i, when i confronted him about this it led to more misunderstanding and he filed for a divorce, i was so confused and totally devastated, i tried all possible means to get him back but all proved abortive until i saw a post in a relationship forum about a love spell caster from South Africa who casts re-union love spells to help people regain back lost love in relationship and marriages, at first i doubted if it was true but decided to give it a try, when i contacted this love spell caster via his email and explained to him my predicament he cast a re-union love spell that brought back my husband, he dropped the divorce plea and we are back again as one happy family. contact this love spell caster for your relationship or marriage problems via his email ikedispelltemple(at)gmail(dot)com (Please type the email in the right format) Goodluck
I am Amily Willian From UK, I will start by saying to all that have experience heart break and also can’t do without their lover should please stop here and read up my story, So as you will know how to go solving or getting your ex back from this spell caster.AND AGAIN I WANT TO ALSO TELL ALL THAT THIS SPELL CASTER I WILL WANT TO TELL THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT IS HARMLESS AND DO NOT HAVE ANY SIDE EFFECT, BUT TO RESTORE AND GIVE YOU BACK WHAT YOU DESERVE, COS WHEN I MET WITH THIS SPELL CASTER THAT WAS INTRODUCED TO ME BY THE WIFE OF MY BOSS IN MY WORKING PLACE, HE MADE IT CLEAR THAT HE CAN CAST SPELL ON SO MANY OTHER PROBLEMS Especially IN GETTING YOUR EX OR MAKING YOUR LOVER TO LOVE YOU MORE THAT WILL SUITE YOU. Last year December, My lover was cheating on me and was not also give me the attention that a man should give to a woman,And really that was troubling my mind and tearing my heart apart to the extent that i was not concentrating in the office the way i use to be before, the break up by my lover And before that incident I always see how my boss use to love his wife so much I was begins to think that i was not doing the right thing to him that will make him love me forever,So i really gathered my courage and went to my boss wife office to ask her the secret that made her husband love her so dearly,In the first place she refused in telling me,She asked me why i am asking her such a question,That if is it not normal for every man to love his wife I told her the reason that made me ask her about this question,That my lover started cheating on me lately,When i knelt down before her for her to see my seriousness in this issue that i went to ask her,She opened up to me by telling me that i should not tell any body about what she wants to tell me,The wife of my boss started to say to me that she used a very powerful spell on his husband to love her And the spell that she used is harmless,But the spell is just to make him love her and never to look for any other woman except her. I QUICKLY ASK HER HOW DID SHE GET TO KNOW THIS GREAT,POWER,DURABLE AND PERFECT WORK SPELL CASTER,she said that a friend of hers also introduced her to him.Then i also ask her how i can meet with this spell caster She SAID EVERYTHING TO ME,THAT THE NAME OF THIS SPELL CASTER IS Dr OKIJAIKE.
My next question to her was how can i get this wonderful spell caster,She said she is going to give me the email of the spell caster for me to contact him for my problem,Really she gave to me this spell caster email and i contacted him and explained all to him,And after every thing that needed to be done by the spell caster, In the next 48 hours My lover that hated me so much came to house begging for forgiveness and i was so glad that i have finally gotten my heart desire.I was so grateful to this spell caster for what he has done for my life So i made a promise to him that i will always continue telling the whole world about his wonderful work towards me and also to other that came to you before and also the people that will also get to you from my story that i narrated online now.I will want to say to the entire world that you should not cry over nothing again, That there is a great man that has been helping individuals to restore their Joy and smile in there faces !! The direct email to get this man is Email: okijaike@gmail.com
I have been kicked out by my husband tried in numerous occasions to reconcile yet he just plays the yo-yo game and uses his position as power over me to trample my heart. When we married I was disabled and not working and I had a crisis which I haven’t recovered from but I am still here and he has a problem because I am not working. My monthly meds without my insurance would be $1700.00 yet he can barley remain on one job 6 months at a time and never covers me on his insurance. He loves to live above his means to get validation from others so my not working really gets in his materialistic collection way. I have had to live with family members and wire him money to help him pay his rent when he was living out if town. I had to literally move him and his stuff in and out if town and all he does is call me degrading names and put others before me. Yes he has had numerous affairs I have pictures and phone numbers & address for proof. All he does is cry victim when he is the one who throws the first punch in the fight. He just told me that I was the Worst mistake he ever made in his life and he just wanna be my friend and date me and be intimate I told him to f** himself and that I have all the friends I need and he needs to learn to be mindful of the things he says and to whom he says them to. I told him he just wanted to be in the world and that’s not how God designed marriage. I told him I don’t know what I did so horrifically to him to cause him to treat me as he has done but I pray he could find it in his heart to forgive me cause I would never do him or my worst enemy how he has done me these past years. He has his mother all in our business and she had the nerve to tell me she and he were a little gods. I told him I had enough for one lifetime and this Battle isn’t for me I want a divorce and I changed my number so he can’t contact me.
I am living with a chronical illness and all my husband does is cry about his issues mainly dealing with money cause he can’t manage it. He chooses to work 2 jobs cause he has to live for the validation of others. When I am having bad days he can care less it’s all about him or nothing . Although he knows my situation he still is heartless towards me and could care less if I slept in a ditch but he made sure a stranger he barely knew had somewhere to lay his head a guy he didn’t even know. Then he got mad cause I got a car after he took his BMW from me cause he was being cold hearted and disrespectful and I stop seeing him. He thought he was hindering me but God saw different. So he told me to take my car back as if he has done anything for me or been doing anything for me. He abandoned me 4 times but feel he can make decisions in my life. He hasn’t been a man nor husband to me since we been married he has been a tyrant. I don’t feel I would shed a tear if he died. I am praying God will remove that feeling from me. I never wanna feel like this about anyone. He is 45 but he isn’t 25 yet. I pray for him all the time however I feel this situation has run it’s course and I am his third wife. God has delivered me from death 2 times therefore I know he is Almighty and Powerful a Healer and Restorer. He never gave up on me and no I am not giving up on my GOD. I have simply given him back to him Mother so that those lil gods can do what they do. I serve 1 GOD!!!
I just got my ex back with the help of Priest Okijaike, he is such a genuine spell caster. I have never seen a spell caster so powerful like him before, i have also directed few persons to him 2 weeks ago in a site and they all called me that that Priest Okijaike have solve their problems. He is such a wonderful spell caster and you can contact him on his email: okijaike@gmail.com for a fast solution to your problems. My name is Amily Willian from USA and i am a witness to his great works.
Reading this can be overwhelming. First things first we all have to own up that we made the decision to love this person. We may have felt fooled or tricked into but I’m sure there were red flags that were overlooked. Now we have to realize you can’t change anyone but yourself. Don’t be afraid to do things because fear is not of the Lord. If the man is not following God do you have submit to him? No! Fellowship with God and Godly marriage only work when all 3 are part of the equation. As a Christian we are called to follow God and his commandments. You of course pray for God to be in control and give you the strength to do His will when needed. We were not guaranteed a happy life and it will have his hardships but this is when you become the warrior. Pray, talk to God, seek Godly council and read the bible. Ask God to change you into the person he needs you to be. Don’t concentrate on what your spouse is doing wrong because happiness is not found in others. It’s what you do and accomplish and overcome. Obviously if your spouse is a danger to you and your family don’t stay. God will provide for you don’t ever be afraid of his power. Everyday I ask myself tough questions is there anyone in this life that I put before God? No matter how much we love people everyone will disappoint you at some point. That’s why you forgive show them grace and move on. Forgiving doesn’t mean letting them get away with bad behavior that is to be handled and God will not shield us from the consequences of this life. It means don’t dwell on it let it go and give it to God. Wish many of you luck with the hard decisions you have but don’t be afraid to make them.
Thank you, Rachelle.
My husband gets angry when I hold hand of my brother a habit of mine since childhood. Is that normal for him to feel so. Do I need to change my behaviour with my brother.
Thanks for all of your hard work on my case and bringing John back in my life. I have never seen the results from a spell like the ones that I have seen from yours. You truly are the one person that I can count on in my life to be a friend. Mentioning friend, let me tell everyone reading my testimonial.. Mike is more than a friend, he is a person that takes person care of your case. I have been to many different sites (Ashia, Egyptian Witch sites, and several others) and I have been put off to counselors and several other different people have handled my case, to no avail. When I approached lordazeez1990@hotmail. com with my situation I was stunned at the personal service and attention to detail that he gave to my case. I will be back for more spells soon is what i told him
I get a help from Lord. Azeez to, first it was me but now is my cousin, She recently break up with his girlfriend after 4year of relationship, She was so hurt and i gave her Lord. Azeez email, And trust me lord azeez never fails in his work in just 4day she came begging for a second chance. I believe so much in Lord. Azeez, and his good work in helping people get their spouse back on track.
My husband and I were married when I was 18 and he 21 after I found out I was pregnant, we hav been married for 21 years and at least the last 8 ( maybe more I’ve lost track) have been pretty much miserable. I feel like the only time I am happy is when he is working out of town but even then he is constantly calling and trying to stir up trouble. The main problem is his drinking, which he does often and tries to hide it and when he drinks he becomes a total jerk. He also goes to church but sits there playing games on his phone like a child, pretending to take the communion and basically living a lie. I feel that I cannot tell anyone including my own family members about how miserable I am because he puts on a show to others of being this wonderful person while only our children and I see the real picture. He had a huge chip on his shoulder and thinks anything at all that we say or do is somehow against him. Constantly putting words in my mouth or twisting my words to make me look like the bad person. If I even try to address the problems in our marriage he becomes defensive or starts a pity party Saying he is the worst person ever and I should leave him; sometimes it feels that is what he wants me to do but he knows I Am a devout Christian and do not believe in divorce but I can’t stand the thought of being with him as long as this continues. Our children have no respect for him either, our daughter has even told me she does not want him to give her away when she is married. It seems the harder I try the more he does to drive me crazy. He constantly puts his mother over me, choosing her side or asking her to do things for him just to make me look bad. I feel so trapped. There is nothing I want more than to have a happy, healthy marriage and to grow old with someone I love and respect but it just doesn’t seem possible.
ToDesperatelySeekingHappiness, I hope everything works out for you. And i wish you the best of luck.
I celebrated my fourth year Marriage anniversary yesterday, i can remember it was robinson buckler that help me. We broke up when we were dating few years back and i tried all ways to get him back to me but nothing work and after trying all means i had to sick for the help of robinson buckler because i heard and saw so many testimonies about him on a blog site, i had to consult him for help too and he brought him back to me in just 4 days after the counsel, prayers and spell was done in his temple he was back to me and we got married after 3 months. Yesterday we celebrated our 4th year marriage anniversary , we have been living together as husband and wife after robinson buckler brought him back to me, we are still living together peaceful till date and we have a boy. Here is his email:(robinson. buckler @ yahoo . com) if you want to contacted him concerning your relationship problem. I’m so very happy and i just want you all to know that he is very powerful and can change your situation
Have you heard about lovespellsolutiontemple.webs.com He helped me get my husband back after he left me and the kids home to live with his mistress. Great spell that works just as you desire lovespellsolutiontemple.webs.com