This is the ninth article in a series of posts regarding questions I have recently answered on the job applications of churches searching for a new pastor. This particular question (“What Is Her Role In The Church?”) deals with the pastor’s wife and, since I like bragging about my wife (Kathy is the best wife a man could ever hope for), I’m excited about writing it!
One of the most important people at your church has got to be the pastor’s wife. Hands down. Without question. Christians usually remember to pray for their pastor, the missionary in Africa, the Sunday School teacher, but rarely do we ever remember the pastor’s wife. Why is that?
Many churches almost consider the pastor’s wife as a bonus, unpaid pastor. And that’s just plain wrong, unbiblical, and unfair! I was amazed at how many church applications asked questions about what my wife planned to do in the church if I became their pastor. They were interested in what her spiritual gifts are, what ministries she has been involved with in the past, what she would likely do at the new church, would she sing in the choir…even what musical instrument she played! Well, I was happy to inform them that my wife can push the “play” button on a CD player like nobody’s business! (Or something like that.)
She happens to also do a bunch of other things as well, both spiritual and otherwise. But the question about my wife seemed strange and somewhat out-of-place. Yet then again, it might also be the perfect question a potential pastor should ponder for himself, for he’ll need her the most during those tough days of ministry ahead.
When it comes down to it, the pastor’s wife is typically going to be the main point of encouragement for her husband — your pastor. When church life gets tough and the pastor arrives home late from doing ministry (in order to build you up!), there is his wife to encourage and provide godly counsel whenever it is needed. When the church pushes and pulls for his attention, too often it is the pastor’s wife and children that pay the price. I’m convinced that pastors have the most challenging job in the world today. But I am also convinced that the job of the pastor’s wife is a close second.
The average church in America is just under 100 members in total (which includes any children). That means there are a lot of churches bigger than that and a lot of churches smaller as well. But most churches have only one pastor who shepherds the flock. That pastor is responsible for feeding the sheep, counseling the sheep, praying for the sheep, etc. The pastor’s life is a challenging one to be sure. But no doubt so is his wife’s.
Do your church (and your pastor) a big favor tonight. Get on your knees and storm the gates of heaven through prayer, petitioning the Lord on behalf of your pastor’s wife. No doubt you will be blessed in many diverse ways because of it.
Here is the question asked by the church and below that is the response I gave. Let me know what you think. Was I right or was I wrong? What did I leave out? Please do tell…
[stextbox id=”custom”]“What Is Her Role In The Church”[/stextbox]
MY RESPONSE: My wife, Kathy, will play a significant role in the church as the wife of the Pastor. However, this must be defined and addressed both appropriately and sensitively. For example, as the Pastor of the church, ________________ Church would be calling me as the Senior Pastor of the church—not my wife.
Kathy will function as a ministering member of the church, exercising the same rights and responsibilities as the other women in the church do. She will serve and minister in the church as she feels led and/or believes her spiritual giftedness could best be utilized for God’s glory and the benefit of others. She will pray, read and meditate upon the Scriptures, take communion, fellowship with the saints, and do everything possible to worship and glorify the Lord as one of His children—not as her position as the Pastor’s wife.
I firmly believe that the greatest role Kathy will play in the church is being the primary supporter of me, her husband. However, and with that said, I would also prefer to list just a few of the areas I have seen my wife ministering in since the day I first met her. Kathy has served as: a children’s Sunday school teacher, a nursery caregiver, an Awana leader, a substitute Sunday school teacher on rotation, a co-leader of a college-aged Bible study group, a participant in women’s ministries, and a kitchen “clean-up” crew member. In summary, I believe my wife has served the Lord faithfully as both a godly leader of women to be modeled after and also a servant to others whenever there was a need.
Things every Christian should know.
Charles, just a couple observations: Having been raised in the parsonage, I would challenge your statement that the pastor’s wife’s role comes in 2nd in difficulty to her husband. The wife’s role, in my opinion is the hardest role, bar-none there is. The pastor is the one that works through all the difficult issues with the people. He comes home and bares his soul to his wife who in most cases gets no chance to work through the same issues with the people who in a lot of the cases are coming after her man. She is most often left with no recourse, no closure, her husband comes home and says, “It’s all worked out, praise God”. She is left with emotions and feelings she doesn’t get a chance to process in most cases.
Overall this is a good reminder that the church is only hiring the pastor. The biggest thing the wife needs to concentrate on is ‘insulating’ her family without ‘isolating’ them. This was one thing that our mother did that has confirmed in mine and my siblings hearts very fond memories of growing up PK’s. The other equally important element that supported her was that our father was the same person in the pulpit that he was in the parsonage.
I have taken an informal survey over my 50+ years of PK’s and have found very little, if any ambiguity when it comes to feelings about growing up in the parsonage. The feelings are positive or very negative; not much at all in between.
That’s a great comment and perspective Randy. I agree with you, and thanks for sharing!