[stextbox id=”custom”]This is a guest post by Brandi King. Brandi is a wife and mother of two boys. She lives in Little Chute, Wisconsin and enjoys working with young children and teens. She is actively involved in the Women’s Ministry at her church. If you’re interested in writing an article for this blog, please review the guest post guidelines.[/stextbox]
I always knew I wanted children. I wanted to dress them up all cute and take a million and one pictures and plaster them all over the house. I wanted to carry them around and love hearing my new name being called over and over again (“Mom, Momma, Mommy, Mother”). I wanted to love someone so unconditionally and have that love returned back unto me. I wanted children more than anything ever in my life.
When in thought of having children I only saw positives in life: the outward appearance of children, the babysitter’s hours if you will, of child rearing. I didn’t realize the time, effort, countless hours of worry and sleepless nights, endless hours of prayer, constant teaching, and training that came with having children. The financial pressure of weighing every grape before deciding on bananas instead. The daily thought of, If I knew then what I know now.
But now I do know. With every inch of my being, I do now!
My husband Michael and I had tried for a year to get pregnant. We were plagued with infertility. I was feeling discouraged, like it was just never going to happen for me. Or, I mean, for us.
I began to get impatient. Not yet a Christian, I didn’t realize that I wasn’t in control of my own life, and what happened in it. It was my plan to get married! It was my plan to enjoy a nice, beautiful, love-filled honeymoon period. It was my plan to have two children; a boy first named Kyle Anthony and then a girl two years later named Kezia Saint.
Much to my surprise, and after test after test, I discovered that my husband wasn’t quite ready to be a threesome yet. He wanted to be settled into a home of our own and married for at least two years. I had no choice but to wait…and realize that my plans weren’t always God’s plan.
Michael and I celebrated our two-year anniversary on April 6, 2004, moved into our newly purchased home on June 4, 2004, and welcomed a son (Conner Michael) on January 4, 2005.
Only in God’s perfect timing!
Again, and much to my surprise, I realized being a “mommy” was nothing like I had imagined. Beyond the adorable cheeks and the freshly laundered outfits was this child who depended on no one but us—his God-given parents. The choices we made, be them large or small, directly affected this little person’s future; the type of person he would become, the type of person he would marry, the type of parent he would turn out to be.
That 7lb 14.5 oz baby felt like a ton of bricks, and was getting heavier by the minute.
It was in this silent parental panic that I heard that knocking that I have heard others talk about. That gentle, loving, constant knock on the door to my heart, which until that moment only belonged to one adorably sassy baby and his wonderful father.
When I denied myself and surrendered to Christ as my Lord and Savior, I had no choice but to exchange my life plan for a life verse. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the lord with all thine heart; and lean not on thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.” I needed to fully put my trust in Him, understanding that He knows better than I what we need…when we need it…and for how long.
Mike and I have now been happily married nearly ten years and have another son, born 3 1/2 years after Conner, named Greyley James.
I often see myself in some of the girls that occasionally babysit my kids; when they tell me their dreams and timelines, and what they feel life has in store for them. I just smile to myself, remembering my own thoughts and how God gave me a Plan B.
Believe me, I still have days when I wake up and think, I wasn’t expecting that. But today I know what I didn’t know then, and that it is all in God’s sovereign timing.
And I couldn’t have planned it better myself!
Hey, thanks for the great post, Brandi!